![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
First Grade for the Semester
I got my first grade today for my first semester at grad school.
Danae asked me whether, if I got good grades for my first semester, it would help me get over the impostor syndrome. I said that I thought it would. But after thinking about more, I wasn't sure. I got good grades every semester in undergrad too. The feeling of confidence they gave me lasted a little while, but then it was on to something new, and the same old feelings of anxiety and self-doubt.
It's a little different this time, but not in a good way. I have an A in my social justice and the city class. 77/80 on a term paper I wrote in three days, and positive comments from the professor despite what he described as a few typos that he thought were unusual for me and which detracted from my narrative. He noted it wasn't as coherent in general as it might be either, which I already knew. I wrote it in three days.
But despite all that, I have an A on the paper, which means I have an A in the class. And I'm not even really happy or motivated by that. I just don't feel much of anything about it. In my head, I'm already on to the next semester, and the incomplete I have to finish by the 30th, and all the stress I know is coming.
Danae asked me whether, if I got good grades for my first semester, it would help me get over the impostor syndrome. I said that I thought it would. But after thinking about more, I wasn't sure. I got good grades every semester in undergrad too. The feeling of confidence they gave me lasted a little while, but then it was on to something new, and the same old feelings of anxiety and self-doubt.
It's a little different this time, but not in a good way. I have an A in my social justice and the city class. 77/80 on a term paper I wrote in three days, and positive comments from the professor despite what he described as a few typos that he thought were unusual for me and which detracted from my narrative. He noted it wasn't as coherent in general as it might be either, which I already knew. I wrote it in three days.
But despite all that, I have an A on the paper, which means I have an A in the class. And I'm not even really happy or motivated by that. I just don't feel much of anything about it. In my head, I'm already on to the next semester, and the incomplete I have to finish by the 30th, and all the stress I know is coming.