(no subject)

[stormdog]

You know, now I'm slightly worried about using zie/zir pronouns for people whose gender is either irrelevant to the statement or I am intentionally anonymizing. I'm worried that I may use the terms inadvertantly to refer to someone whose preferred pronouns are they/their and it will look like I'm dismissing their pronoun choice in favor of the gender-neutral pronouns that I prefer. Life is complicated sometimes.

Comments

[cmcmck]

Pronouns are important and I very much prefer she/her because I had to fight so hard to have them.

As you say, complicated.

[basefinder]

Well, to be fair how would you know ahead of time? If you give it a shot and somebody corrects you, at least you tried. I wouldn't fault you for it.

My philosophy is, call me anything you like, just don't call me late to dinner. :-)

p.s. I found you here on DW and added you!

[basefinder]

I get your preference and you are she/her in my book, for sure.

But if stormdog randomly encountered you on the street, without recognizing you, would you be upset with him if he used zie/zir? Or would you simply say I prefer she/her?

[cmcmck]

I would be upset as my presentation is pretty unambiguous.

Trans people in the early stages have to try very hard to 'fit'.

There's a simple answer- if you're not sure, ask.

I suspect we would have each have a good idea of who the other was if we met on the street now! :o)

[basefinder]

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I see value in getting away from gender based pronouns, but I sure don't want to hurt feelings by trying to be neutral.

"If you're not sure, ask." Easy enough if you know the person at least a little bit; not good for strangers. "Pardon me, are you a man or woman?" will draw a dirty look if not a punch! And we in America aren't generally sophisticated enough for "Pardon me, what pronoun do you prefer?" :-)

[cmcmck]

Although if a person presents in a very definite way, that's usually a clue. I have friends whose looks are more 'fluid' than my own and I know they can prefer something neutral.

For me 'they' and 'them' work perfectly well without invented terms.

I speak as one who was more than once described as 'it'............