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I'm feeling the confusion of an existential pronoun quandary again. Let's assume the pronouns I prefer for myself (ze/zir) are valid simply because they are my pronouns I have chosen for myself. But I choose them because they are better known than just about any gender-neutral pronoun set than they/them, which I do not like for myself. If some of the reason I choose them for myself is because of existing recognition, and that recognition provides them an inherent sense of validity to myself and others, then the validity is sourced externally. If I act independently of external sources of validation, I could use any set of words or non-words I'd like and they would be validated by my use of them.
It's impossible for me to be the sole source of my own validation because if I do not recognize and respond to expectations of society, I will be unable to communicate with them. My messages of self-expression will be incomprehensible. But if external validation *is* important, then why would I not choose to use they/them pronouns, which seem to be the best known, and perhaps best accepted, set of non-binary pronouns in mainstream society? Should it matter that I don't like them? And why do I even like zie/zir? I can think of no other reason than it's level of existing acceptance in both queer society and mainstream society, which means that I have not accepted that validation comes solely from myself. To be honest, I reject that idea as unworkable.
I do not see any way of resolving this in a logical, consistent, satisfactory way. How do people just stop thinking about things like this?
It's impossible for me to be the sole source of my own validation because if I do not recognize and respond to expectations of society, I will be unable to communicate with them. My messages of self-expression will be incomprehensible. But if external validation *is* important, then why would I not choose to use they/them pronouns, which seem to be the best known, and perhaps best accepted, set of non-binary pronouns in mainstream society? Should it matter that I don't like them? And why do I even like zie/zir? I can think of no other reason than it's level of existing acceptance in both queer society and mainstream society, which means that I have not accepted that validation comes solely from myself. To be honest, I reject that idea as unworkable.
I do not see any way of resolving this in a logical, consistent, satisfactory way. How do people just stop thinking about things like this?