Potential Autism Evaluation

After my first (so far only) video meeting with a mental health professional here in Amstelveen, she asked me whether I'd been evaluated for an autism spectrum disorder. While I was seeing my therapist in Chicago, they asked the same thing. In Chicago, they and I decided that, at this point in time, since it's already something I've thought about on and off for decades, a diagnosis wouldn't really matter that much. The fact that two professionals have brought it up on their own is an interesting data point.

Previously, I'd decided that a lot of my experiences that might stem from autism could be linked to prosopagnosia instead. But those conditions are often related, which I've also thought about. I guess it's all neither here nor there, except that they want to evaluate me for ASD here in the Netherlands. Sure, why not?

Friends Talking About the Destruction of US Society

It feels very uncomfortable to unfriend someone on Facebook who I've known longer than there's been a Facebook. They wrote in favor of "letting America burn." I expressed my concern for people who, for instance, need ongoing medical care and rely on certain existing systems that are part of America and that I'd like to see continue. I expressed that the violence in Minneapolis right now makes sense as a reaction to inescapable institutional violence and I support the Black community, but I don't want to see all of America burn without an existing replacement plan. They feel that too many people are dying due to systemic violence every day already and that, to closely paraphrase, if Black people want to burn down the system they were forced to build as enslaved people, they (former FB friend) would not speak against it.

I thought about this for hours last night and I just can't with that line of thought. I accept that I may even be wrong and that large scale resolution, with it's commensurate large-scale body count, may be the only thing that makes long term change. But I don't want to be wrong on this topic, will not act as though I am, (otherwise how could I even consider applying to grad school?) and trying to process that kind of talk from friends isn't something I have the spoons for.

And beyond that, Miriam pointed out that the US has lots of nuclear weapons. Like, *lots.* What happens to those in a large scale revolution? I think other states would essentially be forced to step in and take power if the US devolves into factions, some with nuclear arms.

Maybe that will all happen. I'm going to act as though it will not. Otherwise why not just give up now and do nothing forward-looking? It's hard enough not to do that already.