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A Facebook post of mine from a few days ago:
I get uncomfortable when any kind of group-thinky memes start proliferating, but even more so when they are about terms that I feel apply to me and whose use I disagree with, or make statements that directly address thoughts I have and choices I make in ways that I think are wrong.
So I feel extra-uncomfortable with a number of pride month memes like that. Some of them have a clear 'if you don't agree with this you are the enemy' vibe, and that makes it really hard to point out problems I see with them without being seen as the enemy.
At the same time, this past weekend I pointed out some unintentionally trans-phobic language in a silly Facebook post and and had several negative responses and no support from people I know who are mutual friends.
These sorts of things makes me feel like advocating for myself and people I care about doesn't seem to do any good and I shouldn't try. These things make me think that I'll never be able to overcome my aversion to group-think enough to be accepted by wider queer community, or any community of shared identity of that sort. They make me want to give up on Facebook entirely. It's a balance between the interactions that give me joy vs. the interactions that take it away. Sometimes, I'm not sure which side of the scale has more weight.
One part of Facebook that *is* giving me a lot of joy is the Poly Geekery community. While there are a few posts describing hard situations and looking for advice (which the community there is happy to provide), the majority of posts about relationships are celebrating happiness in people's lives. A woman writing about how excited she is that her husband found a boyfriend. A man talking about his personal growth in learning to let jealousy go and sharing the joy his girlfriend's partner(s) give her. Happy stories about other human beings sharing joy. Maybe a lot of us need more of that.
I get uncomfortable when any kind of group-thinky memes start proliferating, but even more so when they are about terms that I feel apply to me and whose use I disagree with, or make statements that directly address thoughts I have and choices I make in ways that I think are wrong.
So I feel extra-uncomfortable with a number of pride month memes like that. Some of them have a clear 'if you don't agree with this you are the enemy' vibe, and that makes it really hard to point out problems I see with them without being seen as the enemy.
At the same time, this past weekend I pointed out some unintentionally trans-phobic language in a silly Facebook post and and had several negative responses and no support from people I know who are mutual friends.
These sorts of things makes me feel like advocating for myself and people I care about doesn't seem to do any good and I shouldn't try. These things make me think that I'll never be able to overcome my aversion to group-think enough to be accepted by wider queer community, or any community of shared identity of that sort. They make me want to give up on Facebook entirely. It's a balance between the interactions that give me joy vs. the interactions that take it away. Sometimes, I'm not sure which side of the scale has more weight.
One part of Facebook that *is* giving me a lot of joy is the Poly Geekery community. While there are a few posts describing hard situations and looking for advice (which the community there is happy to provide), the majority of posts about relationships are celebrating happiness in people's lives. A woman writing about how excited she is that her husband found a boyfriend. A man talking about his personal growth in learning to let jealousy go and sharing the joy his girlfriend's partner(s) give her. Happy stories about other human beings sharing joy. Maybe a lot of us need more of that.