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Fifty Shades of Gray
In response to criticism of the Fifty Shades of Gray movie being passed around on Facebook.
So, here's the thing with this movie, and this book, and whatever else it is. (In the interest of full discosure, I have not read it.)
(Warning; I'm going to talk about BDSM, kink, consent, rape, and things like that here.)
This is a fantasy, right?
In BDSM/kink culture (which I'm only peripherally involved in, though I know many folks who are more a part of it than I), consent is paramount. Nothing should ever be done without full, informed, and conscious consent of any people involved in an activity. I think this is common-sense. Without consent, BDSM is assault and/or rape.
However, once consent is given, any number of things can happen that take the form of non-consent. People even talk about "consensual non-consent", wherein people engage in 'scenes' without a safeword, or re-create scenes of kidnap or rape. And as long as those things are negotiated beforehand, and all parties have consented to what will play out, that's ok. That is informed consent.
Now, people who are into those things may well fantasize about being subjected to this kind of thing non-consenually. That's perfectly ok. The realm of internal thought and desire is a private place and should not be subject to public scrutiny. It is when it is translated into action that affects other people that it becomes subject to certain regulation to ensure safety and happiness for those involved.
These books, this movie, is a fantasy. It sounds like one that I would personally find pretty disturbing and unenjoyable, to be fair. But my standards are not universal, and there are a lot more writings, videos, and photographs out there that are equally disturbing, or more so. By these standards, Fifty Shades is nothing special, nor even problematic. Again, fantasy is fantasy. I think that any fantasy of this kind that, for whatever reason, became such a huge pop-culture phenomenon would be subjected to the same kind of criticism. And, thus, there are many, many more that are not, and that people within the BDSM / kink community encounter every day and have no problem with.
I guess I just want to say that, when we talk about this movie, let's make sure we talk, seriously and deeply, about why it's problematic, rather than just saying "that's not what BDSM is like." There are plenty of people who know that's not what BDSM is like in reality who have fantasies that are just as full of non-consent as Fifty Shades is. In certain, very tightly controlled ways, this is what *aspects* of BDSM *can* be like. That needs to be explained, not hidden from people who would benefit from a fuller understanding of the issues involved.
What do you think?
So, here's the thing with this movie, and this book, and whatever else it is. (In the interest of full discosure, I have not read it.)
(Warning; I'm going to talk about BDSM, kink, consent, rape, and things like that here.)
This is a fantasy, right?
In BDSM/kink culture (which I'm only peripherally involved in, though I know many folks who are more a part of it than I), consent is paramount. Nothing should ever be done without full, informed, and conscious consent of any people involved in an activity. I think this is common-sense. Without consent, BDSM is assault and/or rape.
However, once consent is given, any number of things can happen that take the form of non-consent. People even talk about "consensual non-consent", wherein people engage in 'scenes' without a safeword, or re-create scenes of kidnap or rape. And as long as those things are negotiated beforehand, and all parties have consented to what will play out, that's ok. That is informed consent.
Now, people who are into those things may well fantasize about being subjected to this kind of thing non-consenually. That's perfectly ok. The realm of internal thought and desire is a private place and should not be subject to public scrutiny. It is when it is translated into action that affects other people that it becomes subject to certain regulation to ensure safety and happiness for those involved.
These books, this movie, is a fantasy. It sounds like one that I would personally find pretty disturbing and unenjoyable, to be fair. But my standards are not universal, and there are a lot more writings, videos, and photographs out there that are equally disturbing, or more so. By these standards, Fifty Shades is nothing special, nor even problematic. Again, fantasy is fantasy. I think that any fantasy of this kind that, for whatever reason, became such a huge pop-culture phenomenon would be subjected to the same kind of criticism. And, thus, there are many, many more that are not, and that people within the BDSM / kink community encounter every day and have no problem with.
I guess I just want to say that, when we talk about this movie, let's make sure we talk, seriously and deeply, about why it's problematic, rather than just saying "that's not what BDSM is like." There are plenty of people who know that's not what BDSM is like in reality who have fantasies that are just as full of non-consent as Fifty Shades is. In certain, very tightly controlled ways, this is what *aspects* of BDSM *can* be like. That needs to be explained, not hidden from people who would benefit from a fuller understanding of the issues involved.
What do you think?