stormdog | (no subject)

There's so much in the mental air this week. Danae is waiting to hear back on a post-doc/fellowship that she deeply wants. They said they'd get back to her at the end of last week. I was pretty convinced they wouldn't but she was hoping and is stressing. If she *does* get it, we could be moving as soon as June, so that's making her pretty stressy too, not being able to plan for the future. Me, I guess I'm just not really thinking about it until it becomes a reality. Then, since I know we'll make it work, we'll make it work. But it's become clear to me that I didn't quite grasp how rough this is for her. I hope we'll know soon, one way or another.

We've also been talking about the possibility of having a child. We've talked about it on and off for years, considering different plans of action and their timing. She's on meds that keep her functional and are not compatible with pregnancy. Adoption is stupidly expensive. She's floated the idea of, if she does *not* find a post-doc, taking a year off, managing without meds (she has idiopathic hypersomnolence and will sleep for 14 hours a day or so if she's not constantly on the legal equivalent of speed, and that's not to mention mental health meds) and actually going through the process of creating a kid herself. Thinking about that in depth has been a surprise to me, since I'd thought we'd decided that would just not be workable. If we were going to do it, and could get support from her parents, this would probably be the time. But I'm not sure that it would be a good choice in the long run. We're not sure that we could pass a home study for an adoption, though, if we are living the kind of lives we want as poly people who like living with house mates. We've looked at the idea of surrogacy too, which is a whole other set of complications, legal, financial, and ethical.

And of course making choice about those things is *also* reliant on us figuring out timing of employment and living situation, so that's all tied up in hear hearing back too. It's a lot for her to manage.

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I've planned a couple of days this week with Erik since he has Tuesday and Wednesday off. I've really been looking forward to it because I know it might be one of the few times I get a couple days at a time with him before I'm not in the area anymore. Danae thought that she'd have heard back by now and my absence wouldn't be difficult for her. Instead, if she's still in the dark while I'm away, that will be really hard on her. She has not asked me to cancel, and I really appreciate that. If she had, I told her, we would have had to have a serious conversation about deciding how to manage poly and prior commitments. But I do feel distressed that the timing is what it is. I suggested that we plan all having dinner together on Wednesday, and that we keep in touch frequently. I'll be sure to be available for calls if she needs to talk. These things are all very important and poly can be hard. For her part, she's hoping she'll hear some news, preferably good but at least *something*, today. She sent a follow up email this morning expressing how excited she is about hearing back.

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I managed to bike to work today with days worth of clothes, a large book I sold to ship, and camera gear! I wanted my big lens for photos with Erik! It's not that nifty a lens, to be honest; just an average telephoto. But it sure is impressive to look at!

My nail polish is a color that the library director where I work bought for me! I love my coworkers.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Have you considered fostering if that's a thing where you are?

My Bro and SiL have fostered for years even though they have three of their own.

It's a good idea; thanks!

I think it would have the same home-study problems that adoption would. Our former housemate, who we got a long wonderfully with and miss, moved out because he really wanted to foster a child and the roommate situation made that unlikely to happen. I do think it's something I'd consider and probably enjoy if it looks like its an option.

I know how it feels as 'they' would never consider us for fostering or adoption because I am who I am. :o(

The same 'they' who constantly shriek about the lack of people to foster and adopt.........

Would danae's post-doc be a permanent job, or is that a term thing?

It will almost certainly be short-term. Probably a year or two. The long term goal is to find a tenure-track position at a university, but she's not in a position, career-wise, to try seriously for that right now, so we may need to do some moving around.

Ugh, mobility.

After moving around for the military for so long, I've really enjoyed being in one place for over a decade now.