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Jun. 10th, 2019 08:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogThe Chicago Naked Bike Ride pictures today are reminding me that the event happened Saturday night. I rode in it for three years a while back. (You can find pictures and videos of me out there if you try hard enough.) On the third year, when the group got to the far north point and turned back, I decided to get dressed and head home from there. I had an amazing time the first couple years: all the people shouting and waving and lining up for high-fives on the side of the road made me feel the most like a rock star that I ever have. But on that third year, it just didn't seem exciting anymore. There was nothing new; just stop-and-go riding for several hours trying not to bump into anybody. I realized that I was just there to be there and, while not having a bad time, I wasn't really enjoying myself either.
I'm feeling that way about the pride parade. I walked with my employer last year with a home-made "Silence = Death" sign and enjoyed being there. I'd only been to the parade twice before and had never walked in it. So I did it and had a good time. But I have little interest in doing it again. I don't feel whatever it is lots of people feel that makes them enjoy doing these things repeatedly.
Maybe it's a social thing. Maybe when you go to events more than once, it becomes about meeting people and sharing an experience with them. I've never been very good at that. From the discussions about it I've seen online, the naked bike ride after-party includes loud music, substance use, and possibly sex, all of which are uninteresting to me and make it impossible to talk to people.
The atmosphere of the pride parade makes it pretty hard to talk with anybody either. I'm glad that the parade helps make people feel better about being who they are; in that sense it feels more important to me than the ride, which has some of the same goals but I suspect is less successful at them. But the parade doesn't need me to be there to accomplish that. I'm not really interested in photographing it either, after having done that twice.
I may not ever be someone who enjoys large raucous events for their own sake. A friend told me that she sees me as someone who could feel at home in burner culture, but it just doesn't seem very interesting for the same reasons. My mother and I went to a Rainbow Family national gathering once, years ago. I have a feeling that the things are pretty similar, though the Rainbow Family seems less commercial. I loved the experience and remember it well. I loved people doing naked yoga, or sprawling in the mud and making twenty-foot-long sculptures out of it. I loved the kitchens providing food for free to thousands and thousands of attendees, and people playing their homemade glass xylophones or singing bowls. But I don't really feel moved to go back again.
That's a recurring theme in my life I guess. I like experiencing new things and seeing what they're about, but I never find any that I really want to be, or know how to be, on the inside of.
The metaphorical core of my life is pretty small. But it's just big enough right now to make me pretty happy, most of the time. Sometimes I wish it was bigger. I'm feeling that wish strongly right now. But I wonder if that would actually make me happy, or if it's just interesting in theory as something new to experience.
I'm feeling that way about the pride parade. I walked with my employer last year with a home-made "Silence = Death" sign and enjoyed being there. I'd only been to the parade twice before and had never walked in it. So I did it and had a good time. But I have little interest in doing it again. I don't feel whatever it is lots of people feel that makes them enjoy doing these things repeatedly.
Maybe it's a social thing. Maybe when you go to events more than once, it becomes about meeting people and sharing an experience with them. I've never been very good at that. From the discussions about it I've seen online, the naked bike ride after-party includes loud music, substance use, and possibly sex, all of which are uninteresting to me and make it impossible to talk to people.
The atmosphere of the pride parade makes it pretty hard to talk with anybody either. I'm glad that the parade helps make people feel better about being who they are; in that sense it feels more important to me than the ride, which has some of the same goals but I suspect is less successful at them. But the parade doesn't need me to be there to accomplish that. I'm not really interested in photographing it either, after having done that twice.
I may not ever be someone who enjoys large raucous events for their own sake. A friend told me that she sees me as someone who could feel at home in burner culture, but it just doesn't seem very interesting for the same reasons. My mother and I went to a Rainbow Family national gathering once, years ago. I have a feeling that the things are pretty similar, though the Rainbow Family seems less commercial. I loved the experience and remember it well. I loved people doing naked yoga, or sprawling in the mud and making twenty-foot-long sculptures out of it. I loved the kitchens providing food for free to thousands and thousands of attendees, and people playing their homemade glass xylophones or singing bowls. But I don't really feel moved to go back again.
That's a recurring theme in my life I guess. I like experiencing new things and seeing what they're about, but I never find any that I really want to be, or know how to be, on the inside of.
The metaphorical core of my life is pretty small. But it's just big enough right now to make me pretty happy, most of the time. Sometimes I wish it was bigger. I'm feeling that wish strongly right now. But I wonder if that would actually make me happy, or if it's just interesting in theory as something new to experience.
