MeghanIsMe

It feels like a lot longer than five days since I updated here.

Just a day or two after Piper was adopted, I got a phone call from her new people at work. I didn't know the number and voicemail got it. I checked after getting out for the day and it was a message saying that there was a misunderstanding about her insulin dose and they hoped to talk to me as soon as possible.

That was the beginning of one of those moments where time seems to slow down. I called them back and got voice mail. I called the shelter to see whether they'd been in touch and talked to N, one of the staff there. N said that they had apparently given Piper 20 units of insulin rather than 2. "Oh my god..." I said. Piper was at the emergency vet where it seemed likely, but not guaranteed, that she'd pull through.

I desperately wanted to go to her and take her home, take care of her, make sure she was ok, tell her how loved she is, and know that she was safe in my arms. Instead I had an hour and a half long ride home on the train feeling scared and helpless. I texted a few people for support, and Lisa was kind enough to meet me on the way home and come with me to Evanston. The three of us and Danae's parents had dinner together and I managed to not be a complete mess. Then, on the way home as just Danae and I walked along a stretch of sidewalk where I often walked with Piper I completely lost my composure. She led me back into the condo, occasionally stopping to hold me as I hugged her against me and sobbed and moaned against her shoulder.

Piper is ok. We got some text updates from her new daddies as time went by, and the last one said that her blood sugar was back where it should be and she'd gone all day with no seizures. Thinking of her having seizures brought that acute pain in my heart back with a vengeance, but after calming down I felt good to know that she seems to have come through alright.

I know that her people really love her. They've gone to great lengths to take care of her through this. I'm sure that the emergency vets went over her care in great detail so I can't imagine this will happen again. It's just been so very hard for me. This was exactly the sort of thing I worried about when I kept irrationally worrying that other people won't be able to take care of her as well as Danae and I have. If it was another dog without her special needs, it wouldn't have been nearly so hard to let her go. But I got past it and saw that she had caring people when I met them and was managing alright. But then Piper almost died and I was just a wreck.

I've been dealing with the mental fallout from that most of this week. I'm feeling anxious about all sorts of things, and to a degree that I don't usually. I don't really want to go out and do things; I just want to be at home, in my safe space, with my safe person.

But Piper is going to be ok, and next week is a new week. And yesterday, Danae and I went to meet a couple of kitties at the shelter I volunteer at and it looks like we'll be bringing one of them home with us. More on that as it happens....

Piper was adopted yesterday by a couple who seem like they will love her and take good care of her. One said that his late husband was diabetic and he has experience administering shots. Danae and I went to visit her at her new place to bring all of her supplies and talk about her care and feeding routines.

Piper was happy to realize it was us coming into the unit, but she was ensconced on one of the men's laps and decided that that was where she wanted to stay. That makes me feel a lot better. I want so much for her to be happy and not miss us for long.

This has been pretty hard for Danae and I. I guess I don't know what to say other than that. I'm happy, but quite sad at the same time. Our home feels a lot more empty.

Picture post!

Images of Piper the Yorkie and vintage electronics behind ( the cut )

I may not be able to block Facebook from showing me comments that people I have friended make in other groups, but I realized today that I could just block any group whose comments tend to devolve into vitriol. That helps.

I also left Dogspotting. It's a fun group with lots of cute pictures that make me smile, but I'm tired of the cycle of someone posting an invalid spot followed by that spot being called out followed by yet another argument about whether there should be rules or that this one should be an exception.

Danae is in Hawaii for a conference through Monday, so Piper Ann (a co-worker with two Yorkies of her own decided that her middle name is Ann, and I'm going with it) and I are home alone. She was out of insulin for a day because of sytem-related delays, and she drank too much water and peed on the floor. I felt bad for her; I know she didn't mean to. I wish she'd use puppy pads.

Today, she's going to be in her crate for longer than I'm comfortable with. I got up early (4:30 this morning instead of 5:00) to give her food and a walk. Therefore, she ate too early too, but I'll give her an early dinner and I'll keep her schedule that way until Danae is back to take care of her in the morning.

And now she'll be in her crate until I get home around 4:30. Twelve hours is too long, and I feel anxious about it and like a bad doggy-parent. But it's only for today and tomorrow.

With Danae out of town, Piper slept in bed with me last night. It was soothing, lying down next to her and looking over at her, watching her occasionally resettle herself, or groom her paws, or just rhythmically breath. I like to think about the feelings she may be having in her little doggy mind, hoping that she's feeling pure feelings of safety and happiness.

I wasn't horribly sick, but that may be because I fought it off with sleep. I went to sleep when I got home Friday. I think. Slept 'till five or six when I took the dog out, and slept again until ten on Saturday morning. I've been kind of MIA.

I'm feeling rather better this morning after even more sleep. I finished up normalizing all the tags on my MP3s so I can transfer them to my NAS where my Audiotron reads them from.

While that does its thing, I'm listening to some vinyl. I got the best of Jethro Tull from the record shop down the street a few days ago. I'm also playing Blizzard of Oz, Lisa's copy of Violent Femmes, and other analog stuff to keep my stereo busy while the digital stuff moves around. (Of course I've got all the CDs too. I found the 2-disc Essential Simon and Garfunkel recently so I've been playing some of that.)

I have to go get Piper's syringes today, if the pharmacy ever got them in. I'll do that while I take her to the shelter for adoption hours. Then some more cleaning up the common space. We have a couple people coming over for board games this afternoon. We played Alchemists with my parents, and decided we needed a copy. The goal is to get the highest reputation by experimenting to determine properties of ingredients, publishing your results (which are potentially based on total guesswork), debunking others' theories, getting grants, and testing potions on students. Just like academia, right?

Oh, and I ordered a print from Bleh the Buddha, who does the Punk Buddha signage I found! I'm so excited!

While filling our houseguest in on my life in the last couple years, I talked about being in Syracuse for my master's program. Talking about urban geography theory and systemic inequality is often my grad school emotional rollercoaster in miniature. I get excited about the topic; how fascinating these systems are and how much could be done with them. Then I feel the depresson and futility I felt, especially in my urban social justice seminar, as I talk about how impossible it seems to make a difference.

As I talked to him over dinner, I paraphrased a thought from David Harvey that struck deep and has been in my mind since I read Harvey's "Social Justice and the City;" that one more study of man's inhumanity to man will do nothing to *stop* that inhumanity. I've sometimes wanted to talk to Harvey and ask him how he manages to keep fighting. I probably could/should have had that conversation with Don Mitchell, the professor who taught that seminar, at Syracuse, too, but I was suffering too much from imposter syndrome. (By the way; I haven't even received an official job offer yet for the place I interviewed at and I have imposter syndrome already. That's me!)

I ended up feeling really down in a hole last night. That mood always turns into depression over any number of things and situations that make me unhappy these days. That and the heat made it hard to sleep. I went out into the living room, pointed a fan at the couch (Danae has trouble sleeping with moving air on her), got Piper out of her crate to snuggle with, and eventually managed to sleep decently.

This monument seems to be doing Piper a concern.



This is plot M of the former site of Argonne National Laboratory. Radioactive materials from some early nuclear reactors are buried here. The sign, though, notes that there is no danger to visitors, so all is well!

I had an absolutely wonderful day driving around with Lisa. I'm so glad she was able to come with (and take a few photos for me)!

Danae is home from school and brought chimken nuggers with her! Yay! *tailwags* Doggos love chimken nuggers.

I drove up to Kenosha after work on Saturday to visit my family and pick up my loft bed. Erik bought it from me after I'd been half-heartedly trying to find a buyer for a few years, so I had to bid it a fond farewell. I'd like to have one again if I have room someday. I like climbing around on things; might as well be able to do it at home too!

Sunday morning I drove out to Elgin and helped unload and assemble the bed in Erik's new place. It's a cozy, turn-of-the century place; I like it. I met a friend of his who was there to help get data service set up. Since the former occupants had decided cutting wires was a much better idea than actually unplugging things, there was a bit of work to be done.

Since Danae was out at a LARP Saturday evening, I took Piper with me through the whole trip so she could get her food and insulin on time. As usual, it was impossible to get her to interact with my parents' dog, Wonka, without becoming a snarling ball of fury. She's been like that with just about every dog she's met since her surgery.

Which is why I was shocked when, with a little soothing and encouragement to both dogs, she and Erik's dog, Fluffly, behaved very nicely together! I took a few pictures and videos of the two of them; without them, I think it would have been hard for Danae to believe! I hope we can set up more play-dates for them, because she really needs more dog socialization if we can possibly provide it.

What else? I'm cleaning up the condo so we can show it to a new potential housemate. I like him quite a lot from his introductory email; if he's as compatible in person as he is in email, I think he'd be a really good fit.

And I'm back to digitizing Lisa's records. I'm kind of hoping to finish them and get them back to her so the crate's out of the living room (and so she can listen to her music again of course!) and possibly have room for a cabinet for audio gear. I ended up leaving my Marantz receiver in Kenosha because I just couldn't think where I'd put it right now! For the meantime, I'll live with running my Klipsches with my curb-found Sony surround sound receiver. In a way, that's kind of cool because I'll get a really good sense of that sound before I hook them up to a vintage analog unit to compare.

I helped Tim get my old speakers out of his room and into the spot that the disassembled loft bed had been in. He had my soundsystem set up in there, and is glad to have more room. I helped rearrange the shelves the stereo was sitting on so he can put his computer there on the wall; it worked out pretty well.

It was good to see family. It'd been a few weeks and I miss them. Tim said he'd be down here more often, but train tickets are pricy. Now that I have a job though, I'm happy to pay his fare once in a while; we may get together this week to watch SGDQ on the couch here and play games!

I just took Piper for her evening walk and paid conscious attention to how I handle her. Most of my dog-walking time these days is spent with a twelve-pound, half-blind dog who's scared of manhole covers and has been known to trip over curbs. I love her, but I think she's lulled me into sloppiness. Once I get further past the uncertainty and lack of confidence I'm feeling right now, it's something I can learn from. It may take a while before I believe I merit a chance to show that, but that's the way my brain is broken.

ve been so busy lately! I've stated doing walks for Wag! and it's been a great experience! Plus we've been getting ready for people to come over today for a board game party. And I'm still not quite fully recovered from being sick. I'll catch up with people, write replies, and try to write more about what's been going on soon. In the meantime:

Piper's fur is getting longer and longer; she's looking so pretty! It's too bad so much of her had to be shaved for her surgery; the different lengths look a little weird. Regardless, I really enjoy combing her fur out; I'll miss that when she's adopted. It kind of makes me want another long-haired breed.

She's using that bad leg more too. She still holds it up when moving fast and uses her other three, but when she's walking more slowly, she uses it pretty regularly. She's getting better!