(no subject)

Wow. Through Google searching, I found this.

http://www.newhorizons.org/spneeds/inclusion/teaching/stockdale.html

Scroll down about half way and read the story called 'Dorie Ryland: No Shortcuts'.

That's essentially me. Maybe that explains my weird time sense. I never thought to relate it to my problems in navigating before, but maybe they're facets of the same thing. I have to read this more thoroughly when I'm awake; it's fascinating me. I think I have another small insight into my brain.

The part about people being worried about her because she's so late...I've been there. I hate, hate trying to drive somewhere I haven't been before. Even with step by step directions from Mapquest I get lost, because the real world doesn't seem to relate to what I have in front of me. And my mom used to always ask why I only printed the step by step part and not the map. The map just doesn't do anything for me. I can't seem to relate it to where I really am. And even with the step by step directions, I have to be so careful, because if I miss one turn, I'm lost and have to hope I can get back to something I recognize as being on the route. I drove out from MFF with directions to get to an Einstein Brothers near the hotel and ended up parked in a Subway lot in Arlington Heights, swearing and crying and hitting the dashboard with my head on the steering wheel because I just couldn't find the place and I knew I was going to disappoint moiracoon... *sighs*

I have no real idea of the location of all these suburbs of Chicago in relation to Kenosha or to each other; everything north of Chicago itself and south of Kenosha seems to get squished into this route in my head where I assume that everything is basically in a straight line. I know this confuses Moira terribly, and I'm sorry. For crying out loud, I've been dropping off my rent check at the same place every month for years, and I still don't know what damn street it's on! I know it's one of two, but I end up calling Moira and asking her half the time because I don't want to guess wrong and end up driving to the other side of Kenosha before I realize I have to turn around. The illustration in that story of the woman in anguish in front of her steering wheel almost makes me want to cry because I know exactly how she feels.

Ok; taking a deep breath here.

In the meantime, I've found that one can create instant crappy Thai food by eating a spoonful of peanut butter with a good dollop of Sriracha sauce on top. Posi would be proud.

Speaking of Posi, much thanks to him and Nova for coming to visit me today. They were wonderful company and I got to show them a favorite movie of mine. Thank you both for coming up to see my and hanging out with my parents and brothers. Posi has also convinced me to try some B multi-vitamins. I was always hesitant in the past just on general principles; I don't like introducing foreign substances into my body. But at this point, I'm in a sort of any port in a storm mentality, and he and I think enough alike sometimes that maybe stuff that helps him will help me. I need to try to remember to buy some soon.

Time at my parents' house was fun. I drove my dad around, went to the local game store, and the hobby shop nearby, and fixed a few electrical things in the house. I realized, after rewiring the ceiling fixture in my brother's room, that I'm a lot better at this now than I was when I did the same fixture when it was my room.

Dinner with my grandparents and assorted family tomorrow. I hope to have lots of pictures, though it's tricky there; the shutter noise makes their Jack Russel Terriers go berserk. But for now, I should probably go to bed. Good night everyone... *snores*

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I guess 'almost' wanting to cry was an understatement. I happened to return a voicemail from Andrea after writing this and I told her what I'd found, and all of a sudden I was falling apart on the phone with her... I'm sorry sweetie. I really didn't mean to dump on you. I love you for being there and telling me it'll be ok...