![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Bad Dreams
Jun. 25th, 2017 04:38 amI was feeling depressy last night and went to bed early, figuring that extra sleep would do me good.
I woke up half an hour or so ago from a new variation of the recurring dream about school. I'd missed a couple of days of class at some point, and I was walking back to campus. I was worrying more and more about not being able to catch up on what I'd missed until I got to the point of just not being able to keep walking. I was too scared and ashamed to go back to classes that I felt so behind and unable to catch up in. I called Danae on my cell phone to tell her I was in crisis and didn't know what to do.
After waking, I got some snuggles and reassurance from her before getting up for some yogurt. But I'm still feeling that 'in a crisis and don't know what to do' feeling. Maybe I'll lie on the couch and pet Piper. I love my strange little foster dog who loves me as much as a dog can. Her regard for her people makes me feel a bit better about myself.
Part of this is connected to work drama, too. A staff member quit because of her feeling that she was being singled out for continual criticism and micro-management. A board member asked to talk to her to hear her side, and invited her to come back while said board member works on making some changes. She returned, and I'm glad because she's my favorite person there. Today, there were notes in our mailboxes telling us who to bring any complaints about people to, and that we should not be having any political conversations at work or "gossiping" about other staff, board members, or the public. There's clearly some ill-will behind the scenes that I do not fully understand, but which makes me really uncomfortable.
I really miss having a therapist. I hope I still have a job in two months when my insurance starts.
---
I just left a Facebook group for Furries over 30 after someone made disparaging comments about "SJW"s. I don't feel a strong connection to furry as a community (as opposed to furry as a concept) anyway, and politically-connected agitation isn't worth my presence there.
I woke up half an hour or so ago from a new variation of the recurring dream about school. I'd missed a couple of days of class at some point, and I was walking back to campus. I was worrying more and more about not being able to catch up on what I'd missed until I got to the point of just not being able to keep walking. I was too scared and ashamed to go back to classes that I felt so behind and unable to catch up in. I called Danae on my cell phone to tell her I was in crisis and didn't know what to do.
After waking, I got some snuggles and reassurance from her before getting up for some yogurt. But I'm still feeling that 'in a crisis and don't know what to do' feeling. Maybe I'll lie on the couch and pet Piper. I love my strange little foster dog who loves me as much as a dog can. Her regard for her people makes me feel a bit better about myself.
Part of this is connected to work drama, too. A staff member quit because of her feeling that she was being singled out for continual criticism and micro-management. A board member asked to talk to her to hear her side, and invited her to come back while said board member works on making some changes. She returned, and I'm glad because she's my favorite person there. Today, there were notes in our mailboxes telling us who to bring any complaints about people to, and that we should not be having any political conversations at work or "gossiping" about other staff, board members, or the public. There's clearly some ill-will behind the scenes that I do not fully understand, but which makes me really uncomfortable.
I really miss having a therapist. I hope I still have a job in two months when my insurance starts.
---
I just left a Facebook group for Furries over 30 after someone made disparaging comments about "SJW"s. I don't feel a strong connection to furry as a community (as opposed to furry as a concept) anyway, and politically-connected agitation isn't worth my presence there.
