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Makeup - Eyeliner
Jul. 30th, 2022 08:11 pmI would like to learn to do makeup. However, I'm terrified of it. To the point where I almost had a panic attack talking to a makeup vendor at the queer market a month ago. I think this is tied to being prosopagnosic (faceblind). I recognize myself and other people much better by hair than by face.
I do better with practice when I understand theory, and Miriam has had a really hard time teaching me makeup theory. I had the same problem 20ish years ago in undergrad, taking a course in stage makeup. We learned how to make ourselves look older, younger, lighter, heavier, et cetera. But not only do I not remember what other people's faces look like, my mental picture of my *own* face is pretty fuzzy. I can snap it into focus if I try hard, but not for very long. The same is true with all my loved ones. If I try to think of Miriam's face, for instance, I can sort of visualize individual features one at a time much more easily than the whole thing, and none of it really wants to stay in my head for long.
So trying to alter the appearance of my own face in ways that emphasize certain features in certain ways is hard. I can't picture my own features, and can't really understand how alterations change the subjective perception of my face.
Pretty sure I got a D in that class. I think I saved it from failure with my final project, which was being Aslan from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. (And even then I was too worried about how my hair looked to take the professor's strongly-suggested advice to dye my hair. Dye my hair? And possibly damage it permanently? No way!)
But I'd really, really like to learn how to do makeup. So I decided to work on one tiny, understandable piece at a time. I've loved the way I look with eyeliner since well before I realized I was trans, or was identifying as agender, so I'm starting with that. Just eyeliner until I have some sense of what I'm doing.
And today, Miriam told me that I applied it well enough that I could actually leave the house with it and not look like a little girl playing with crayons.
This makes me pretty happy.
Next, I'd like to figure out lipstick and lipliner.
I think I need a new, current picture of me to replace the icon I'm using here. It's 15ish years old and was taken by my ex, two reasons to replace it.
I do better with practice when I understand theory, and Miriam has had a really hard time teaching me makeup theory. I had the same problem 20ish years ago in undergrad, taking a course in stage makeup. We learned how to make ourselves look older, younger, lighter, heavier, et cetera. But not only do I not remember what other people's faces look like, my mental picture of my *own* face is pretty fuzzy. I can snap it into focus if I try hard, but not for very long. The same is true with all my loved ones. If I try to think of Miriam's face, for instance, I can sort of visualize individual features one at a time much more easily than the whole thing, and none of it really wants to stay in my head for long.
So trying to alter the appearance of my own face in ways that emphasize certain features in certain ways is hard. I can't picture my own features, and can't really understand how alterations change the subjective perception of my face.
Pretty sure I got a D in that class. I think I saved it from failure with my final project, which was being Aslan from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. (And even then I was too worried about how my hair looked to take the professor's strongly-suggested advice to dye my hair. Dye my hair? And possibly damage it permanently? No way!)
But I'd really, really like to learn how to do makeup. So I decided to work on one tiny, understandable piece at a time. I've loved the way I look with eyeliner since well before I realized I was trans, or was identifying as agender, so I'm starting with that. Just eyeliner until I have some sense of what I'm doing.
And today, Miriam told me that I applied it well enough that I could actually leave the house with it and not look like a little girl playing with crayons.
This makes me pretty happy.
Next, I'd like to figure out lipstick and lipliner.
I think I need a new, current picture of me to replace the icon I'm using here. It's 15ish years old and was taken by my ex, two reasons to replace it.
