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Apr. 25th, 2012 04:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogI wrote a big long post today, which I'm going to break into sections about how school and things are going, and about my personal life. Here's the one about my personal life!
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Things are going so well in my personal life! I often feel rather less talkative than I'd ideally like to be at home, and that's largely due to school stress. I feel a little bad about that. But yesterday, before going upstairs to disappear into my study (that is, my little bedroom strewn with various possessions that I study in before collapsing into bed), I spent a while chatting with my parents. That was nice. I feel a little bit out of touch with what's been going on with both them and my brother sometimes, considering I live in the same house with them.
My love life is pretty great! I love two wonderful women who are very different but who both make me really happy. Danae is going to be moving to Chicago to start school soon, which will make it even easier for me to visit both she and my sweetie Lisa who will be living in the same city, and not unreasonably far from each other. I'll miss seeing her current housemates as much, 'cause they rule. But I won't miss the gas and time spent traveling frequently to Aurora. I'm looking forward to spending quite a lot of time in Chiacago, with one or the other of them, because I really do love being in the city.
There's even been a little discussion here and there about the possibility of Danae and I sharing living space. I think it's safe to say that she and I are looking at our relationship as a pretty permanent thing, and we'd like to see how well living together would work. At this point though, that's outside the immediate next few years. She's going to be living and learning in Chicago, and after next year I'm hoping to move to Madison to finish the second two years of my undergrad degree at a more prestigious school than UWP. So it's not something we've talked about in any detail, simply because it's not something that can happen any time soon. And that's ok. To be honest, I'm really excited too about the idea of living in Madison; I've never gone away to school before.
Parkside, and its faculty, are really great! And my advisor here has suggested that being in Madison will actually result in fewer opportunities to do the kind of independent work and research I might be able to do here with smaller classes and more individualized attention. But she also agrees with me that, if I want to go to grad school, a degree from Madison is better than one from Parkside.
My advisor also told me that she thinks I'm intelligent enough to succeed there, a compliment that really made me glow. She and I are going to get together some time over the Summer to talk in more general terms about why I want to pursue anthropology, what I want to get out of it, and the kinds of ways to go about that. That should be a really enlightening and productive conversation, and I feel complimented as well in her being willing to spend some time in discussion with me.
So anyway, my relationships are truly wonderful. I kind of think about the idea of having a biologically male play partner once in a while, but as well as having no time for such things, I guess I also wouldn't really know how to go about finding one. Though I feel like I've taken a bit more control over my romantic life lately, in the past I often just sort of happened into relationships I think. That lead to things both good and bad. It feels good to actually decide that I'm interested in someone and actively express that to them as the initiating party, but I think I've only really done that once.
This is also the first time I've been in a stable, actively poly relationship wherein I've felt pretty confident about it being ok for me to seek other partners, for either casual play or relationships. (Or friendship too, of course. That would be nice, and some of these lines are blurry.) It's a really good feeling. Have I written here about the time that Danae and I were at a convention and she casually asked me if I'd be ok with her hooking up with someone that night? It was a question that kind of floored me. I didn't know how to respond, but not because I didn't like the idea; it was just something I hadn't been asked in that way before, by her or by my previous long-term partner. But after I processed it for a while, I realized that I was, in fact, really ok with that. And that I even liked the idea of finding someone myself. But I'm in a position where I don't quite know how to do that. I expect that, much like figuring out how to do polyamory (or monogamy, for that matter) successfully, there are major elements you just have to learn by doing. Danae is talking about us going to Madtown Kinkfest at some point; maybe that would be a venue to explore some of these things in.
I have some reservations about how well totally casual sex would work for me, but delving into that is probably another entry to be written.
(As a footnote, talking about wanting to play with a bio-male reminds me of why I identify as bisexual rather than pansexual. I'm attracted to both/all genders, and pretty well equally. But not interchangeably. It's no reflection on my current female partners, who I love and am very much attracted to. In fact, mentally and emotionally, I don't see any major difference between being involved with females, males, or people anywhere on the gender spectrum. But on a purely physical level, the idea of playing with male parts is sometimes really appealing. I feel like pansexuality has a connotation of independance from biological gender that I don't have. But there's also a lot of gray area in definitions of these terms of sexual politics, so I'm pretty willing to accept most any way that people choose to define themselves.)
---
I think I'll save more rambling for another entry. This one has followed a circuitous enough road already. I'm going to get back to studying Spanish. ¡Adios!
----------------------
Things are going so well in my personal life! I often feel rather less talkative than I'd ideally like to be at home, and that's largely due to school stress. I feel a little bad about that. But yesterday, before going upstairs to disappear into my study (that is, my little bedroom strewn with various possessions that I study in before collapsing into bed), I spent a while chatting with my parents. That was nice. I feel a little bit out of touch with what's been going on with both them and my brother sometimes, considering I live in the same house with them.
My love life is pretty great! I love two wonderful women who are very different but who both make me really happy. Danae is going to be moving to Chicago to start school soon, which will make it even easier for me to visit both she and my sweetie Lisa who will be living in the same city, and not unreasonably far from each other. I'll miss seeing her current housemates as much, 'cause they rule. But I won't miss the gas and time spent traveling frequently to Aurora. I'm looking forward to spending quite a lot of time in Chiacago, with one or the other of them, because I really do love being in the city.
There's even been a little discussion here and there about the possibility of Danae and I sharing living space. I think it's safe to say that she and I are looking at our relationship as a pretty permanent thing, and we'd like to see how well living together would work. At this point though, that's outside the immediate next few years. She's going to be living and learning in Chicago, and after next year I'm hoping to move to Madison to finish the second two years of my undergrad degree at a more prestigious school than UWP. So it's not something we've talked about in any detail, simply because it's not something that can happen any time soon. And that's ok. To be honest, I'm really excited too about the idea of living in Madison; I've never gone away to school before.
Parkside, and its faculty, are really great! And my advisor here has suggested that being in Madison will actually result in fewer opportunities to do the kind of independent work and research I might be able to do here with smaller classes and more individualized attention. But she also agrees with me that, if I want to go to grad school, a degree from Madison is better than one from Parkside.
My advisor also told me that she thinks I'm intelligent enough to succeed there, a compliment that really made me glow. She and I are going to get together some time over the Summer to talk in more general terms about why I want to pursue anthropology, what I want to get out of it, and the kinds of ways to go about that. That should be a really enlightening and productive conversation, and I feel complimented as well in her being willing to spend some time in discussion with me.
So anyway, my relationships are truly wonderful. I kind of think about the idea of having a biologically male play partner once in a while, but as well as having no time for such things, I guess I also wouldn't really know how to go about finding one. Though I feel like I've taken a bit more control over my romantic life lately, in the past I often just sort of happened into relationships I think. That lead to things both good and bad. It feels good to actually decide that I'm interested in someone and actively express that to them as the initiating party, but I think I've only really done that once.
This is also the first time I've been in a stable, actively poly relationship wherein I've felt pretty confident about it being ok for me to seek other partners, for either casual play or relationships. (Or friendship too, of course. That would be nice, and some of these lines are blurry.) It's a really good feeling. Have I written here about the time that Danae and I were at a convention and she casually asked me if I'd be ok with her hooking up with someone that night? It was a question that kind of floored me. I didn't know how to respond, but not because I didn't like the idea; it was just something I hadn't been asked in that way before, by her or by my previous long-term partner. But after I processed it for a while, I realized that I was, in fact, really ok with that. And that I even liked the idea of finding someone myself. But I'm in a position where I don't quite know how to do that. I expect that, much like figuring out how to do polyamory (or monogamy, for that matter) successfully, there are major elements you just have to learn by doing. Danae is talking about us going to Madtown Kinkfest at some point; maybe that would be a venue to explore some of these things in.
I have some reservations about how well totally casual sex would work for me, but delving into that is probably another entry to be written.
(As a footnote, talking about wanting to play with a bio-male reminds me of why I identify as bisexual rather than pansexual. I'm attracted to both/all genders, and pretty well equally. But not interchangeably. It's no reflection on my current female partners, who I love and am very much attracted to. In fact, mentally and emotionally, I don't see any major difference between being involved with females, males, or people anywhere on the gender spectrum. But on a purely physical level, the idea of playing with male parts is sometimes really appealing. I feel like pansexuality has a connotation of independance from biological gender that I don't have. But there's also a lot of gray area in definitions of these terms of sexual politics, so I'm pretty willing to accept most any way that people choose to define themselves.)
---
I think I'll save more rambling for another entry. This one has followed a circuitous enough road already. I'm going to get back to studying Spanish. ¡Adios!
