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May. 24th, 2012 01:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogI have a bunch of catch-up writing to do. As usual.
I attended a wedding with Danae this past weekend, on Saturday. My friend Resee was marrying her partner. To be honest, I haven't spent a lot of social time with her, especially lately, and I didn't know her partner very well either, so it was very nice of her to invite me and a guest. The wedding was at a pretty church whose interior design and architecture I rather liked. I rather liked parts of the ceremony too, like the music from Final Fantasy that was used for the processional and recessional. Though the neatest thing was seeing two people so happy together.
Attending a wedding was interesting to me from a personal point of view. I've been thinking off and on about the significance of societal rituals like weddings and other milestone events. I've encountered a little reading about the importance of social ceremony to mark major life-changes. Some has gone as far as to speculate that there's a society-wide problem that has to do with people failing to fully take on adult roles because of a lack of these sorts of milestones that publicly recognize the new phases and roles of their lives.
For my part, and for most of my life, I never saw much importance in that sort of ritual. Milestone dates that seem to mean a great deal to a lot of people, like graduation of high school, turning 21, or getting my driver's license, passed largely without ado for me. I had birthday parties, sure. But I never felt particularly older. I didn't drink, so there was no alcohol laden festivity when I became legal. I hated school and had few if any friends there, so graduating high school was mere relief that I didn't have to deal with the environment anymore.
My perspective on that has been changing lately. Evolving, perhaps, in the words of our president. Maybe it's because I have become more social that I want more recognition of important events from my friends. Maybe it's because being half-again as old as I was then give me a longer perspective from which to consider these things. I'm more aware of the passage of time and want it to mean something more to me.
I think another influence is thinking about my wedding. I had read a comment somewhere that, no matter whether you think it will or not, getting married will significantly change your life, even if you're marrying someone you've already been living with. Well, it didn't. Nothing really changed after the wedding, and life carried on as usual. Same apartment, same jobs, same lives. The wedding itself was nice; I was married outdoors at a renaissance faire, barefoot in the sun. A random bagpiper who was there played for us and said later that it was the most beautiful church he'd ever played in. There were many elements that made me really happy at the time, and that still put a smile on my face.
In retrospect though, I didn't have a lot of input into the whole affair. My ex came up with ideas, and I liked them and was happy to go along. I was very much in a follower role at that point. My partner was older and more experienced than I was. She picked out rings (somewhat at the last minute, and ordered online), she took care of the cake and invitations and the other details. Not that there were a lot of other details; it was a very informal occasion. And I was fine with that. I didn't know what I wanted, and as I've noted, social ritual wasn't terribly meaningful for me. As I think about it now, I wish that I'd had more of a hand in things. That it was more reflective of me specifically. But I still didn't really know who I was, so I don't think it could have been.
Seeing my friends get married this past weekend has made me think about weddings in general. It would be interesting to see a wide variety of them in the US and see how they compare. Were I to get married again, it would be significantly different. Less traditional. I like the idea of a yearly commitment ceremony and having to reaffirm my vows to my partner on a yearly basis so that we each have the ability to opt out if we choose. At the same time, I think I'd want the first ceremony to be a big affair with lots of family and friends. Those rituals are becoming more important to me. Renewals would be small or private matters.
Speaking of commemorations of changes in life status and changing views of their importance, I have a divorce coming up. I'm not quite sure when yet; it's largely being done by my ex, as it's not something that's been terribly important to me. But it seems like it will be happening over the Summer most likely. When it does, I want to have a party.
Both my sweetie![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lisagems and my friend posicat have offered hosting space, and if danaeris is moved into her condo in Chicago by then, it might happen there too. I haven't figured out much more about it than that, but I think it'll be both fun and meaningful to me. A particularly large end and beginning, if only symbolically, to go with all the other large ends and beginnings of the last few years. I want it to be a transition that means something outside my own head and that is recognized by people I care about.
I attended a wedding with Danae this past weekend, on Saturday. My friend Resee was marrying her partner. To be honest, I haven't spent a lot of social time with her, especially lately, and I didn't know her partner very well either, so it was very nice of her to invite me and a guest. The wedding was at a pretty church whose interior design and architecture I rather liked. I rather liked parts of the ceremony too, like the music from Final Fantasy that was used for the processional and recessional. Though the neatest thing was seeing two people so happy together.
Attending a wedding was interesting to me from a personal point of view. I've been thinking off and on about the significance of societal rituals like weddings and other milestone events. I've encountered a little reading about the importance of social ceremony to mark major life-changes. Some has gone as far as to speculate that there's a society-wide problem that has to do with people failing to fully take on adult roles because of a lack of these sorts of milestones that publicly recognize the new phases and roles of their lives.
For my part, and for most of my life, I never saw much importance in that sort of ritual. Milestone dates that seem to mean a great deal to a lot of people, like graduation of high school, turning 21, or getting my driver's license, passed largely without ado for me. I had birthday parties, sure. But I never felt particularly older. I didn't drink, so there was no alcohol laden festivity when I became legal. I hated school and had few if any friends there, so graduating high school was mere relief that I didn't have to deal with the environment anymore.
My perspective on that has been changing lately. Evolving, perhaps, in the words of our president. Maybe it's because I have become more social that I want more recognition of important events from my friends. Maybe it's because being half-again as old as I was then give me a longer perspective from which to consider these things. I'm more aware of the passage of time and want it to mean something more to me.
I think another influence is thinking about my wedding. I had read a comment somewhere that, no matter whether you think it will or not, getting married will significantly change your life, even if you're marrying someone you've already been living with. Well, it didn't. Nothing really changed after the wedding, and life carried on as usual. Same apartment, same jobs, same lives. The wedding itself was nice; I was married outdoors at a renaissance faire, barefoot in the sun. A random bagpiper who was there played for us and said later that it was the most beautiful church he'd ever played in. There were many elements that made me really happy at the time, and that still put a smile on my face.
In retrospect though, I didn't have a lot of input into the whole affair. My ex came up with ideas, and I liked them and was happy to go along. I was very much in a follower role at that point. My partner was older and more experienced than I was. She picked out rings (somewhat at the last minute, and ordered online), she took care of the cake and invitations and the other details. Not that there were a lot of other details; it was a very informal occasion. And I was fine with that. I didn't know what I wanted, and as I've noted, social ritual wasn't terribly meaningful for me. As I think about it now, I wish that I'd had more of a hand in things. That it was more reflective of me specifically. But I still didn't really know who I was, so I don't think it could have been.
Seeing my friends get married this past weekend has made me think about weddings in general. It would be interesting to see a wide variety of them in the US and see how they compare. Were I to get married again, it would be significantly different. Less traditional. I like the idea of a yearly commitment ceremony and having to reaffirm my vows to my partner on a yearly basis so that we each have the ability to opt out if we choose. At the same time, I think I'd want the first ceremony to be a big affair with lots of family and friends. Those rituals are becoming more important to me. Renewals would be small or private matters.
Speaking of commemorations of changes in life status and changing views of their importance, I have a divorce coming up. I'm not quite sure when yet; it's largely being done by my ex, as it's not something that's been terribly important to me. But it seems like it will be happening over the Summer most likely. When it does, I want to have a party.
Both my sweetie
lisagems and my friend posicat have offered hosting space, and if danaeris is moved into her condo in Chicago by then, it might happen there too. I haven't figured out much more about it than that, but I think it'll be both fun and meaningful to me. A particularly large end and beginning, if only symbolically, to go with all the other large ends and beginnings of the last few years. I want it to be a transition that means something outside my own head and that is recognized by people I care about.
