Reassembling my Brain
Dec. 1st, 2015 04:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogMy head's more together than it's been in most of a week. I'm working at accepting my current position and realizing that my best is what I can do, and I should feel good about that regardless of outcome. If I'm lying in bed unable to sleep, despite being really tired, because my brain is too busy, it's ok. I'll get up and read some more (and maybe blog a little....) and get tireder. If I'm not granted the incomplete I asked for, I may fail a class and it won't be the end of the world. If I need time this week to work on a term paper and don't do all of my RA research hours, arrangements can be made.
I talked to the counselor I've been seeing this morning, and she was glad I decided to come in. She was just writing me back and could talk to me in person instead. She called over to student services and set up another meeting there today with a nice, caring person who talked about various resources: disability services, the career center, social activities I might be interested once I'm not too stressed and anxious to be social, the psychological services center, how the process of requesting an incomplete usually goes. Student services is in the position of coordinating various things, and I'm glad of it; it was helpful.
I have an appointment for an intake evaluation with psychological services next week. The counseling center isn't intended for the kind of long-term, weekly sessions that psychological services provides. They may also be in the position to refer me to a psychiatrist if medication seems to be a reasonable option. The counselor talked a bit about how that process usually goes, and though I've always been afraid of willingly giving up the feeling that I'm in control over what's going on in my brain, I'm willing to give it a try. Clearly, in some significant ways I'm not in control of it anyway right now.
Tomorrow, well, today, I'm doing a half-hour orientation meeting for the grad student group therapy sessions next semester. I'm also going to try to do all the reading for my class this evening so I can write a response paper. But if I am unable to, it will be ok.
I'm almost feeling good enough to start using my task-management system (Habitica) again, as well as to start tracking my weight and food intake. Even though those things typically all feel like self-care and are soothing, I haven't had mental energy to spare for them. The thought of starting again is feeling positive and soothing again instead of stressful and unachievable.
I talked to the counselor I've been seeing this morning, and she was glad I decided to come in. She was just writing me back and could talk to me in person instead. She called over to student services and set up another meeting there today with a nice, caring person who talked about various resources: disability services, the career center, social activities I might be interested once I'm not too stressed and anxious to be social, the psychological services center, how the process of requesting an incomplete usually goes. Student services is in the position of coordinating various things, and I'm glad of it; it was helpful.
I have an appointment for an intake evaluation with psychological services next week. The counseling center isn't intended for the kind of long-term, weekly sessions that psychological services provides. They may also be in the position to refer me to a psychiatrist if medication seems to be a reasonable option. The counselor talked a bit about how that process usually goes, and though I've always been afraid of willingly giving up the feeling that I'm in control over what's going on in my brain, I'm willing to give it a try. Clearly, in some significant ways I'm not in control of it anyway right now.
Tomorrow, well, today, I'm doing a half-hour orientation meeting for the grad student group therapy sessions next semester. I'm also going to try to do all the reading for my class this evening so I can write a response paper. But if I am unable to, it will be ok.
I'm almost feeling good enough to start using my task-management system (Habitica) again, as well as to start tracking my weight and food intake. Even though those things typically all feel like self-care and are soothing, I haven't had mental energy to spare for them. The thought of starting again is feeling positive and soothing again instead of stressful and unachievable.
