What do I want to do today?
Apr. 16th, 2016 12:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogI was planning to go to Erik's event today. Committing long periods of time to things like driving makes me anxious, but I had a couple of potential travel partners, which made me feel better. However, the potential travel partners were unable to make it.
I've realized that I am sometimes incapable of sorting out desire from obligation, and that my self-confidence is low enough that I don't trust myself to make decisions. Trying to decide whether I really want to go is causing me to have something like a panic attack. This makes me want to just stay home, and thinking of making that decision is really relaxing; it takes the burden of having to decide off of my shoulders.
Does that mean that I don't actually want to go and not going is the right decision, or does it mean that I'm making unhealthy choices to withdraw from social life that will take me down the road to being a recluse? I'm not sure. Either way, I feel bad about myself.
I've realized that I am sometimes incapable of sorting out desire from obligation, and that my self-confidence is low enough that I don't trust myself to make decisions. Trying to decide whether I really want to go is causing me to have something like a panic attack. This makes me want to just stay home, and thinking of making that decision is really relaxing; it takes the burden of having to decide off of my shoulders.
Does that mean that I don't actually want to go and not going is the right decision, or does it mean that I'm making unhealthy choices to withdraw from social life that will take me down the road to being a recluse? I'm not sure. Either way, I feel bad about myself.
