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Jun. 23rd, 2017 08:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogIt's been a rough couple of days.
There was a dog fight at the shelter I volunteer at yesterday. The dog who initiated it was on a leash I was holding, and that makes me responsible. The shift captain and other volunteers assured me that everyone did the right things in response and that no one was hurt and that all is, or will be, well.
But it only makes me feel a little better at most. As someone handling a shelter dog in that situation, I owe it to the people and the dogs there to always be in control. Two dogs were injured, and I feel like I'm one small step away from having injured them myself. I wanted to tell the dogs how very sorry I was that they were hurt because of me, but of course they wouldn't understand. If I drank, it would have been a night for drinking. Instead, I went home and ate a giant bowl of ice cream, the rest of my Turkish Delight, and a mini key lime pie. Then I went to bed.
It takes me a long time to feel confident in my competence about most anything, and I'm well into the land of self doubt. I feel like I don't deserve the responsibility of helping handle the more difficult shelter dogs. I'm second-guessing myself about a lot of things I felt confidence about. I'm scared of going back to the shelter next week and seeing the people and dogs there, and feeling shame and embarassment.
Then, at work this morning, I talked to a woman whose sister had just died after a prolonged illness. Said sister had two cats, and the caller couldn't take them due to serious allergies, and was trying to find a shelter to surrender them to. I had to tell her we couldn't help; we're more than full. I gave her info for other shelters, and one of the three was one she hadn't tried already, so I hope it helps. But I felt pretty depressed, again, after that.
There was a dog fight at the shelter I volunteer at yesterday. The dog who initiated it was on a leash I was holding, and that makes me responsible. The shift captain and other volunteers assured me that everyone did the right things in response and that no one was hurt and that all is, or will be, well.
But it only makes me feel a little better at most. As someone handling a shelter dog in that situation, I owe it to the people and the dogs there to always be in control. Two dogs were injured, and I feel like I'm one small step away from having injured them myself. I wanted to tell the dogs how very sorry I was that they were hurt because of me, but of course they wouldn't understand. If I drank, it would have been a night for drinking. Instead, I went home and ate a giant bowl of ice cream, the rest of my Turkish Delight, and a mini key lime pie. Then I went to bed.
It takes me a long time to feel confident in my competence about most anything, and I'm well into the land of self doubt. I feel like I don't deserve the responsibility of helping handle the more difficult shelter dogs. I'm second-guessing myself about a lot of things I felt confidence about. I'm scared of going back to the shelter next week and seeing the people and dogs there, and feeling shame and embarassment.
Then, at work this morning, I talked to a woman whose sister had just died after a prolonged illness. Said sister had two cats, and the caller couldn't take them due to serious allergies, and was trying to find a shelter to surrender them to. I had to tell her we couldn't help; we're more than full. I gave her info for other shelters, and one of the three was one she hadn't tried already, so I hope it helps. But I felt pretty depressed, again, after that.
