More Depression
Aug. 28th, 2017 07:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogYesterday, I had a spot on a tour of a significant piece of Chicago water-handling infrastructure. I'd been excited about it for weeks, but for no really adequate reason, I didn't go. It reminds me of last year when, after years of wanting to do so many of the tours in Open House Chicago, and finally being in the right place at the right time, I just...didn't. I'm not even reliable for my *own* leisure engagements, let alone those with others.
I'm tired of losing my days off to depression. I'd say I hate to think how I'd be if I wasn't medicated, but I actually know the answer to that, and it's much worse. There's a scary thought.
In the evening, Danae and I went out for dinner at the nearby Chili's, then came home and bought Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 to watch. It was ok, not fantastic. I suppose a lot of the '80s culture references fell flat with me because during the '80s and '90s I basically hated all pop-culture because I didn't want to be anything like the other kids my age who made fun of me all the time. I listened strictly to classical music as an act of defiance. Danae and I have been indispensable for each other lately, as we support each other through our mutual difficulties. I'm very lucky to have her.
I frequently feel lonely and isolated these days and think about how nice it would be to go to the cuddle parties in Rogers Park. But I still feel scared that I'm unable to say no in an environment like that, and that it's not safe, mentally, for me. You know what I'd really like? What I'd really like is (1) reasonably local friend(s) who (2) likes cuddling and (3, as a bonus) has a dog(s) to play with. Or maybe just 1 and 3 together? *laughs*
Ah well. I have a phone interview today that, though I'm terrified and anxious about it, promises to improve a lot of things if it goes well.
I'm tired of losing my days off to depression. I'd say I hate to think how I'd be if I wasn't medicated, but I actually know the answer to that, and it's much worse. There's a scary thought.
In the evening, Danae and I went out for dinner at the nearby Chili's, then came home and bought Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 to watch. It was ok, not fantastic. I suppose a lot of the '80s culture references fell flat with me because during the '80s and '90s I basically hated all pop-culture because I didn't want to be anything like the other kids my age who made fun of me all the time. I listened strictly to classical music as an act of defiance. Danae and I have been indispensable for each other lately, as we support each other through our mutual difficulties. I'm very lucky to have her.
I frequently feel lonely and isolated these days and think about how nice it would be to go to the cuddle parties in Rogers Park. But I still feel scared that I'm unable to say no in an environment like that, and that it's not safe, mentally, for me. You know what I'd really like? What I'd really like is (1) reasonably local friend(s) who (2) likes cuddling and (3, as a bonus) has a dog(s) to play with. Or maybe just 1 and 3 together? *laughs*
Ah well. I have a phone interview today that, though I'm terrified and anxious about it, promises to improve a lot of things if it goes well.
