Personal Ad
Jan. 30th, 2018 11:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogWith a little bit of advice and feedback, I have a personal ad written up. Rather than just looking at the free and electronics sections of Craigslist, I opened up the personals section as I thought about posting it. The nature of most of what is there makes me uncomfortable, making me shy away from the thought of putting something out there myself. Maybe I'll think about reactivating my FL account and posting there in a personals-oriented group.
But, as I've talked about with a few other people on DW or LJ or Facebook, flirting is difficult or impossible for me. There aren't existing models for that activity that work for me. The women (because it's only been women) I've been involved with simply expressed a direct interest in me. Maybe just directly expressing what I want and seeing if there's someone out there who likes that idea is what I need to try. I'm scared of having to deal with responses that make me uncomfortable from people who want something else, but hopefully, if I try this, I will muddle through dealing with or ignoring them.
This is an odd sort of personal ad that I expect most potential
respondents will just skip over. That's fine: I don't know that many,
or any, people would be interested anyway. But in the hope of the
right kind of person(s) happening along, here's who I am and what I'm
looking for.
I'm in a stable, happy relationship with a female-identified person.
After many years of wishing it was so, I have a partner who is
accepting and supportive of me seeking other play partners and
romantic partners. However, I'm really at a loss about how to do so.
There are a couple reasons for that.
First, I have little (maybe no, depending on how you define it)
experience with dating, flirting, and other such
meeting-new-people-with-an-eye-toward-sex forms of interaction. The
relationships that I have been in have all been initiated by my
partner and, especially at first, I think I just kind of went along
with it.
Second, my experiences with other male-identified people in particular
have been very negative and coercive. I'm very bad at saying no and
rejecting people about anything, and on top of that one former partner
pressured me strongly into being involved with her boyfriends. I've
been in a situation where I put myself in significant potential danger
by being unable to say no to a partner who wasn't even being
intentionally coercive. Having another lover/play-partner or two would
be wonderful, but I have a lot of fear around putting myself in
danger.
For a first meeting or two to feel safe for me, I want it to occur
at my home with my partner present. Not as a significant part of our interaction,
but as a sort of background safety measure for myself to help me know
that there's someone there I can trust to be looking out for me if I'm
not able to look out for myself. Similarly, I will want to make
frequent verbal check-ins to make sure everything is ok for both of us
as things progress.
For those who are still reading, I'll tell you a bit about me.
I'm an assigned-male-at-birth person who identifies as agender. (My
preferred pronouns are zie/zir, though I'm kind of embarrassed about
asking people to use them.) I generally present as masculine, but
would definitely be more androgynous and/or feminine if I wasn't
scared of doing so in everyday life. I'm fascinated by gender and
enjoy talking about it, even though I basically wish the whole concept
would just go away.
I'd like us to share some interests that we can get to know each other
over. As a non-exhaustive list, I'm into sci-fi/fantasy (though I
haven't read so much lately), vintage hi-fi audio, bicycling, RPGs
(both electronic and table-top, though it's been years since I've
gamed with other people), board games (my partner and I have a
good-sized collection of them that I enjoy using) and
simulation/puzzle-solving games (I'm currently obsessed with Factorio
and would love someone to play that with in person). I've recently
gotten very interested in electronics repair; I just bought an
oscilloscope that I'm very excited about and am working on repairing a
vacuum tube volt meter from the '50s or '60s.
About the kind of person I'm looking for:
As well as someone who is understanding of the above...
I tend to be attracted to people who are not firmly attached to gender
stereotypes. I love long hair, and I love long hair on men. I love
combing and brushing and braiding (though I'm not very good at that
last item) and having my own hair played with. I would love to have a
male-identified or NB male-bodied person to play dress up and/or
explore gender roles with.
I love cuddling. I could cuddle for hours with a book or a movie or a
video game. I love touch, both sexual and non-sexual, a lot, and hope
that a potential partner would as well. I'd like to have a reasonable
expectation that, once we're both comfortable with each other, offers
of snuggling, or perhaps some suggestive petting have a decent chance
of being positively received. A lot of my time in relationships has
been with people for whom that has not been the case and it's been
difficult for me to respond to that.
I like going to interesting cultural places like museums and art
galleries. I love photography-oriented road trips, and road trips in
general. In the past, I've taken trips to places like the Keweenaw
Peninsula or southern Illinois just to see interesting architecture
and weird kitsch (I love trip-planning via Roadside America and Cinema
Treasures) and photograph it. I have many pictures on Flickr to share
with interested parties, and tens of thousands more I just haven't
gone through yet. I get a sort of bohemian thrill out of camping out
in my car with my camera gear and doing things on the cheap, though
sometimes a decent hotel with a hot tub is a wonderful thing.
I like parties and get-togethers, but I'm not a going-out-to-clubs
person. I don't like being somewhere where it's too loud to talk, and
being pressed in by people makes me anxious.
I basically just want someone with whom I have a relationship wherein I know:
*That we both care about each other as individuals and as friends, and
are concerned with each other's physical and mental safety and
comfort.
*That there is something to it beyond random sex, which I don't have
anything against, but don't seem to be any good with.
But, as I've talked about with a few other people on DW or LJ or Facebook, flirting is difficult or impossible for me. There aren't existing models for that activity that work for me. The women (because it's only been women) I've been involved with simply expressed a direct interest in me. Maybe just directly expressing what I want and seeing if there's someone out there who likes that idea is what I need to try. I'm scared of having to deal with responses that make me uncomfortable from people who want something else, but hopefully, if I try this, I will muddle through dealing with or ignoring them.
This is an odd sort of personal ad that I expect most potential
respondents will just skip over. That's fine: I don't know that many,
or any, people would be interested anyway. But in the hope of the
right kind of person(s) happening along, here's who I am and what I'm
looking for.
I'm in a stable, happy relationship with a female-identified person.
After many years of wishing it was so, I have a partner who is
accepting and supportive of me seeking other play partners and
romantic partners. However, I'm really at a loss about how to do so.
There are a couple reasons for that.
First, I have little (maybe no, depending on how you define it)
experience with dating, flirting, and other such
meeting-new-people-with-an-eye-toward-sex forms of interaction. The
relationships that I have been in have all been initiated by my
partner and, especially at first, I think I just kind of went along
with it.
Second, my experiences with other male-identified people in particular
have been very negative and coercive. I'm very bad at saying no and
rejecting people about anything, and on top of that one former partner
pressured me strongly into being involved with her boyfriends. I've
been in a situation where I put myself in significant potential danger
by being unable to say no to a partner who wasn't even being
intentionally coercive. Having another lover/play-partner or two would
be wonderful, but I have a lot of fear around putting myself in
danger.
For a first meeting or two to feel safe for me, I want it to occur
at my home with my partner present. Not as a significant part of our interaction,
but as a sort of background safety measure for myself to help me know
that there's someone there I can trust to be looking out for me if I'm
not able to look out for myself. Similarly, I will want to make
frequent verbal check-ins to make sure everything is ok for both of us
as things progress.
For those who are still reading, I'll tell you a bit about me.
I'm an assigned-male-at-birth person who identifies as agender. (My
preferred pronouns are zie/zir, though I'm kind of embarrassed about
asking people to use them.) I generally present as masculine, but
would definitely be more androgynous and/or feminine if I wasn't
scared of doing so in everyday life. I'm fascinated by gender and
enjoy talking about it, even though I basically wish the whole concept
would just go away.
I'd like us to share some interests that we can get to know each other
over. As a non-exhaustive list, I'm into sci-fi/fantasy (though I
haven't read so much lately), vintage hi-fi audio, bicycling, RPGs
(both electronic and table-top, though it's been years since I've
gamed with other people), board games (my partner and I have a
good-sized collection of them that I enjoy using) and
simulation/puzzle-solving games (I'm currently obsessed with Factorio
and would love someone to play that with in person). I've recently
gotten very interested in electronics repair; I just bought an
oscilloscope that I'm very excited about and am working on repairing a
vacuum tube volt meter from the '50s or '60s.
About the kind of person I'm looking for:
As well as someone who is understanding of the above...
I tend to be attracted to people who are not firmly attached to gender
stereotypes. I love long hair, and I love long hair on men. I love
combing and brushing and braiding (though I'm not very good at that
last item) and having my own hair played with. I would love to have a
male-identified or NB male-bodied person to play dress up and/or
explore gender roles with.
I love cuddling. I could cuddle for hours with a book or a movie or a
video game. I love touch, both sexual and non-sexual, a lot, and hope
that a potential partner would as well. I'd like to have a reasonable
expectation that, once we're both comfortable with each other, offers
of snuggling, or perhaps some suggestive petting have a decent chance
of being positively received. A lot of my time in relationships has
been with people for whom that has not been the case and it's been
difficult for me to respond to that.
I like going to interesting cultural places like museums and art
galleries. I love photography-oriented road trips, and road trips in
general. In the past, I've taken trips to places like the Keweenaw
Peninsula or southern Illinois just to see interesting architecture
and weird kitsch (I love trip-planning via Roadside America and Cinema
Treasures) and photograph it. I have many pictures on Flickr to share
with interested parties, and tens of thousands more I just haven't
gone through yet. I get a sort of bohemian thrill out of camping out
in my car with my camera gear and doing things on the cheap, though
sometimes a decent hotel with a hot tub is a wonderful thing.
I like parties and get-togethers, but I'm not a going-out-to-clubs
person. I don't like being somewhere where it's too loud to talk, and
being pressed in by people makes me anxious.
I basically just want someone with whom I have a relationship wherein I know:
*That we both care about each other as individuals and as friends, and
are concerned with each other's physical and mental safety and
comfort.
*That there is something to it beyond random sex, which I don't have
anything against, but don't seem to be any good with.
