(no subject)
Oct. 17th, 2018 07:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogI have an intake appointment with a new psychiatrist in a couple of weeks. The one I was seeing before moved out of the area some time ago and slots for new patients seem to be at a premium.
I'm dealing with some major depression lately and it's time to talk about changing my medication. No motivation. Nothing seems fun or worthwhile except playing and snuggling with my tiny-dog and being with my partner. This past weekend was Open House Chicago again, and for the second year in a row I just didn't feel like visiting any of the buildings. I don't want to play games that I usually enjoy. I don't want to try to be social. Those things just sound both uninteresting, and like too much work to deal with. My life right now is work, dog care, and lying on the couch and just that feels barely manageable. Moving several days' worth of dirty dishes into the kitchen and brushing my teeth yesterday both feel like real accomplishments.
Why does this happen to people? I had depression and anxiety problems before grad school, but now it's a whole new level. I feel like something physiological happened to my brain; like something is really different. How do I feel like I used to? Is it possible? I've missed doing and learning and experiencing so much over the past years. I've been wondering lately if the way to reduce depression and stress about that is to just lower my expectations for myself. To just accept the way I am now. Maybe that would be the first step to changing it. But that seems inherently contradictory and irrational. I don't accept the way I am. I don't want to be this way.
I'm dealing with some major depression lately and it's time to talk about changing my medication. No motivation. Nothing seems fun or worthwhile except playing and snuggling with my tiny-dog and being with my partner. This past weekend was Open House Chicago again, and for the second year in a row I just didn't feel like visiting any of the buildings. I don't want to play games that I usually enjoy. I don't want to try to be social. Those things just sound both uninteresting, and like too much work to deal with. My life right now is work, dog care, and lying on the couch and just that feels barely manageable. Moving several days' worth of dirty dishes into the kitchen and brushing my teeth yesterday both feel like real accomplishments.
Why does this happen to people? I had depression and anxiety problems before grad school, but now it's a whole new level. I feel like something physiological happened to my brain; like something is really different. How do I feel like I used to? Is it possible? I've missed doing and learning and experiencing so much over the past years. I've been wondering lately if the way to reduce depression and stress about that is to just lower my expectations for myself. To just accept the way I am now. Maybe that would be the first step to changing it. But that seems inherently contradictory and irrational. I don't accept the way I am. I don't want to be this way.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-17 12:32 pm (UTC)'I don't accept the way I am. I don't want to be this way.'
I know that one!
Hugs
no subject
Date: 2018-10-17 12:47 pm (UTC)