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Oct. 26th, 2018 08:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogTL;DR: Hey! I'm a demisexual! (I think.)
On a FB friend's page a while back was a discussion of different spectra of attraction; physical vs. mental/emotional. Demisexuality was mentioned. I'd seen the term but wasn't very familiar with it's meaning as personal identity. I read a bit about it and realized that, while all of the characteristics of a demisexual person fit me very well, it didn't make sense to me as something to claim as an identity. Those characteristics seemed mundane enough (who would want to have sex with someone they don't know?) that claiming that identity wouldn't give me a feeling 'not-aloneness'.
I see having the feeling of not being alone, of being a part of a group of people who are like you and who might understand you, as the most important part of claiming identities and labels for myself, and demisexuality didn't make any sense as one. I commented that that collection of traits just didn't seem to merit a label for me, and didn't give me that 'not-alone' feeling.
A month or so later now, I've realized that, in fact, not feeling much or any attraction based on how someone looks is actually weird/atypical, and that including myself in that group helps me have a validating framework to think about my experiences with other people within. I see these kinds of identities, demisexuality included, as social constructions that have no essential nature beyond what is agreed upon by involved parties, but that doesn't mean that they aren't important or helpful. I think this one is helpful, and maybe even important, for me.
One aspect of demisexuality as applied to me that makes me uncomfortable is its inclusion under the asexuality umbrella. Asexuality is not a term that feels at all right for me, and the two things don't feel like there is much overlap between them. It is not a connection that works for me. Obviously it does for many other people though. More evidence to me that there is no real objective essential nature to these labels.
---
This is one of the things I looked at that made me feel like this identity is meaningful for me as a source of understanding.
https://bestlifeonline.com/demisexual/
Though despite point one, I do very much enjoy non-sexual touch with most anyone, and have loved the cuddle-parties I've been to.
On a FB friend's page a while back was a discussion of different spectra of attraction; physical vs. mental/emotional. Demisexuality was mentioned. I'd seen the term but wasn't very familiar with it's meaning as personal identity. I read a bit about it and realized that, while all of the characteristics of a demisexual person fit me very well, it didn't make sense to me as something to claim as an identity. Those characteristics seemed mundane enough (who would want to have sex with someone they don't know?) that claiming that identity wouldn't give me a feeling 'not-aloneness'.
I see having the feeling of not being alone, of being a part of a group of people who are like you and who might understand you, as the most important part of claiming identities and labels for myself, and demisexuality didn't make any sense as one. I commented that that collection of traits just didn't seem to merit a label for me, and didn't give me that 'not-alone' feeling.
A month or so later now, I've realized that, in fact, not feeling much or any attraction based on how someone looks is actually weird/atypical, and that including myself in that group helps me have a validating framework to think about my experiences with other people within. I see these kinds of identities, demisexuality included, as social constructions that have no essential nature beyond what is agreed upon by involved parties, but that doesn't mean that they aren't important or helpful. I think this one is helpful, and maybe even important, for me.
One aspect of demisexuality as applied to me that makes me uncomfortable is its inclusion under the asexuality umbrella. Asexuality is not a term that feels at all right for me, and the two things don't feel like there is much overlap between them. It is not a connection that works for me. Obviously it does for many other people though. More evidence to me that there is no real objective essential nature to these labels.
---
This is one of the things I looked at that made me feel like this identity is meaningful for me as a source of understanding.
https://bestlifeonline.com/demisexual/
Though despite point one, I do very much enjoy non-sexual touch with most anyone, and have loved the cuddle-parties I've been to.
