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Jun. 12th, 2019 11:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogI'm feeling sad at the moment about this response to a recent post I made.
"I am committed enough to queer freedom to be available to random passing people as I am my own beloved friends and family."
It makes me feel like people see me as someone who doesn't care. Who isn't committed to wanting things to be better.
Do you see me that way? Am I making things worse somehow when I want to make them better? That thought hurts me too.
I feel like maybe I'm bad at this stuff. When, in various situations, I upset someone by asking them their pronouns, and I'm dismissed and rejected for expressing my concerns about trans-phobic language, and am seen as uncommitted to queer people's well-being, and when I never seem to have any feedback from people saying saying things like 'I see what you're doing and you're helping, or at least trying to help, and that means something to me...it makes me wonder if I'm helping at all. Maybe the care I feel isn't being expressed in actions that make a difference for anyone and I need to rethink them.
Maybe that's the kind of feedback people get from memes and that just whooshes, unheeding, past me.
I'd just...like to know that I'm helping, at least a little.
(Please don't say anything negative about anybody else, including anyone who I'm referring to here. I know that we're all trying to help in our own ways and that's important.)
----
I had so many reassuring comments to this on Facebook from people I care about and respect. That really helps. I wish I could share them all here.
"I am committed enough to queer freedom to be available to random passing people as I am my own beloved friends and family."
It makes me feel like people see me as someone who doesn't care. Who isn't committed to wanting things to be better.
Do you see me that way? Am I making things worse somehow when I want to make them better? That thought hurts me too.
I feel like maybe I'm bad at this stuff. When, in various situations, I upset someone by asking them their pronouns, and I'm dismissed and rejected for expressing my concerns about trans-phobic language, and am seen as uncommitted to queer people's well-being, and when I never seem to have any feedback from people saying saying things like 'I see what you're doing and you're helping, or at least trying to help, and that means something to me...it makes me wonder if I'm helping at all. Maybe the care I feel isn't being expressed in actions that make a difference for anyone and I need to rethink them.
Maybe that's the kind of feedback people get from memes and that just whooshes, unheeding, past me.
I'd just...like to know that I'm helping, at least a little.
(Please don't say anything negative about anybody else, including anyone who I'm referring to here. I know that we're all trying to help in our own ways and that's important.)
----
I had so many reassuring comments to this on Facebook from people I care about and respect. That really helps. I wish I could share them all here.
