Article About Gender and Assimilation

[stormdog]

I relate to so much of this. Especially about wanting to deconstruct the way society sees the gender binary, which I see as fundamentally harmful to a lot of people, while simultaneously trying to assimilate into it.

This is also about the danger that gender non-conforming people face in society, and the danger they put themselves in by refusing to assimilate, and the author's struggle with all of this.

Today I went to a thrift store. I didn't put my hair up with the new doo-dad that Miriam taught me how to use, even though the euphoria of my hair looking like that is so amazing. But I don't pass, and right now I just don't have whatever it is that people have who don't care what other people think about their gender and/or who actively want to publicly redefine gender. I wish I did. Today the fear was too much.

There's a lot here. I hope you read it, if any of this means anything to you.

https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21075683/trans-coming-out-cost-of-womanhood-pink-tax?fbclid=IwAR3XhKs-ya-4o2CJCMMHYvaFVIjFLizZoy8vscC7fIlqQjGlxvUItu4z7L4

Comments

[sabotabby]

Trans reflections on binary gender paradigms are always so interesting. I remember one trans man's article about the differences he experienced in the workplace as a man vs. having been perceived as a woman and it was fascinating.

The thing is in my ideal world everyone could just be whatever, but it seems cruel to denigrate assimilationist (and I even hate that term) trans people for somehow not being radical or queer enough. Like. Fuck that. If I, as a cis woman, decide to get all dolled up and present very femme, which to me is synonymous with "looking good," only the most asinine second-waver is going to have a problem with that. But if a trans woman does it she's somehow letting the team down? I don't buy that this is a progressive stance at all.

[stormdog]

I want people to be able to express themselves and their gender in any way they want as well. I feel like I'm basically a binary woman in a lot of respects, and if I could pass I probably would. Though at the same time, I don't plan to ever stop talking about trans stuff on social media. But being in a position where I do pass feels like it would give me some privilege to be publicly trans without as much flak.

As is often the case, I feel a sort of responsibility that I would never put onto other people. I would love to be part of deconstructing binary gender expectations that hurt people, including me because I think that's a lot of what kept me from figuring out that I wasn't male for so long. Wanting to just be a woman and not really be noticed in public in-person interactions unless I choose to be runs counter to that in some ways. But it's what I want, and I think that's mostly because of fear, and I feel a little shame in not being brave enough to get past that fear and help make things a little better for people in the future.