(no subject)

[stormdog]

Folks talking about an upcoming convention remind of my mixed feelings about them. I loved going to them with my parents when I was small. As an adult, I really wanted to love them, and I did have some happy times at them, but I also felt a lot of anxiety about them. I was too socially anxious to do a lot of the social things people do there. Even things like talking to sellers in the vendors' room, or artists in the artists' room made me feel nervous and I tried to stay back from them so they wouldn't think I wanted to talk.

I really think it would be different now, if I'm ever able to go to one.

Comments

[cmcmck]

I have to admit that doing social stuff became so much easier. I'd been a rather introverted teenager but ceased being that when I headed for uni at nineteen.

[stormdog]

It's really like that for me too. At least, I think it is.

I want to go to social things I've never in my life wanted to go to before. There was a dance party near here around Easter that was supposed to be people wearing bunny and kitty ears and dance music and such. I've never been to anything like that. I was terrified of them. I have no idea what to do there or anything.

This time, I really wanted to go. I still have no idea what I'd do there other than just be seen as who I am, but I think that was really enough. Before transitioning, I would *never* have thought I'd want to go to something like that.

[sabotabby]

I was talking about conventions the other day. I love the idea in theory. In practice I am fucking terrified of them on a number of levels.

[stormdog]

Yeah. I feel like it's possible I'd go and realize I'm still terrified of things and have lots of social anxiety that keeps me from being social the way I'd like. But so many things feel different and less scary after transitioning. Some feel more scary, like job hunting, which I probably have to do soon...