Depression

I'm having some serious depression problems today and yesterday. I guess it's a lot of things. Lack of sleep for a long time. Disruption of routine. My wallet's been stolen. Trouble getting replacement IDs. Inability to access my bank accounts. I've lost my train pass (which was not in my wallet; I keep it in my laptop bag in a zippered pouch). I had to borrow money from Moira to pay for my train ticket today, and I feel awful about that. Facing going back to aI job I don't really like after a week off. The days are getting shorter and I have to leave home almost in the dark. My car is acting up after my trip and has a big hole in the muffler on top of that. I have people in my life who I miss and don't seem to be good at connecting with too. In fact, I'm feeling a lot like there's something wrong with me and I don't know how to maintain friendships.

This is such a contrast from how happy and excited I was over vacation and after getting back. Even after my wallet was stolen. Maybe it's brain chemistry. As Moira and I were driving out to go to Mitsuwa yesterday, I told her that I knew there was something really wrong with my brain and I just started crying in the car. I'm still feeling that way this morning, especially after realizing that my train pass is missing. I had about forty dollars worth of rides left on it, and I'm already worried about money after the New York trip and having money stolen from my wallet. I'm having a hard time with all of this.

My Dear One has been wonderful and supportive and very much there for me. When I was so depressed in the car yesterday, she drove twenty minutes out of the way just so I could have Cici's pizza. This morning, she found money for me so I could get to work, and told me she loves me and that it will be ok. I'm very grateful for that. She helped me find clothes when I went downstairs to the dryer and found that all my work clothes were still wet. Thank you Moira. I love you.

I'm on the train as I write this, but I can't get on the internet because I was too distracted to charge my phone last night and it's out of power. I'm going to nap instead. Hopefully I'll feel better when I get to work. Maybe I'll even be up to starting to write about my New York trip like I've wanted to.

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Ok; sleep is good. I do feel a bit better.

(no subject)

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(no subject)

A picture of my other brother, No-LJ-James, along with his girlfriend, posing for me on the side of a subsidence-created valley in the ghost town of Centralia, Pennsylvania. The smoke rising from the ground behind them tells of the ceaseless fires burning in the coal seams down below the town.

I really want to get back here again and explore with more daylight. The place is truly unearthly. Just as much so, though in a different way, as the stamp sand beaches of Gay, Michigan.





My brother has already cut his hair for law school. *sighs*