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After doing pretty well most of the day, I had a mood crash this evening. Danae suggested we work on a puzzle together, and after spending a bit of time gathering up my motivation, I decided that was a good idea.
I started feeling better and had enough brain power to think about my mood in a meta sense instead of being stuck inside it. I realized that something I heard on the radio on the way home probably had a lot to do with how I was feeling. I hadn't actually thought about it since getting home, but it was percolating in there.
NPR was talking about a movement toward a restorative justice approach to sexual assault on college campuses. Restorative justice, they said, is a cooperative approach that involves facilitated discussion. (Contrast this with a traditional, adversarial, approach that involves something like a trial and punishment system.) In this discussion, the goal is for the rapist to take responsibility for zir actions and to work with the victim to make amends in a way that is meaningful to zir.
My feelings about that (which are mixed but hopeful) aside, it made me think about my own experiences with non-consensual sex. (I've written about this in detail elsewhere, and do not plan to do so here beyond vagueries; if you would like more detail, ask and I may [or may not] answer.)
The idea of the responsible party really understanding the gravity of their action and doing something meaningful for their victim is wonderful. The rapist and survivor quoted in the show both seem to have taken powerful, positive actions as a result of it. After the radio piece was over, I thought about how such a resolution would feel for me.
In my case, I don't believe the people involved had any intent to cause harm nor understanding of the way those experiences felt to me. I'm terrified of the idea of talking to them about it; I wouldn't know what to say or how to explain what happened and why, or why I deserve any kind of apology for it. How does one deal with a situation that zie doesn't even realize was con-consensual - that due to my own neuroses and fears I wasn't in a position to give uncoerced consent - except in retrospect. I don't think that positive resolution the rapist and survivor created together is something that is possible for me to have.
And that, I realized as I talked to Danae over the puzzle, was really getting me down, you know?
But just talking about it actually made me feel a lot better. And then we worked on the puzzle. And it was so good. The little things really are, when properly appreciated.
The radio piece, for those who may be interested: http://www.npr.org/2017/07/25/539334346/restorative-justice-an-alternative-to-the-process-campuses-use-for-sexual-assaul
I started feeling better and had enough brain power to think about my mood in a meta sense instead of being stuck inside it. I realized that something I heard on the radio on the way home probably had a lot to do with how I was feeling. I hadn't actually thought about it since getting home, but it was percolating in there.
NPR was talking about a movement toward a restorative justice approach to sexual assault on college campuses. Restorative justice, they said, is a cooperative approach that involves facilitated discussion. (Contrast this with a traditional, adversarial, approach that involves something like a trial and punishment system.) In this discussion, the goal is for the rapist to take responsibility for zir actions and to work with the victim to make amends in a way that is meaningful to zir.
My feelings about that (which are mixed but hopeful) aside, it made me think about my own experiences with non-consensual sex. (I've written about this in detail elsewhere, and do not plan to do so here beyond vagueries; if you would like more detail, ask and I may [or may not] answer.)
The idea of the responsible party really understanding the gravity of their action and doing something meaningful for their victim is wonderful. The rapist and survivor quoted in the show both seem to have taken powerful, positive actions as a result of it. After the radio piece was over, I thought about how such a resolution would feel for me.
In my case, I don't believe the people involved had any intent to cause harm nor understanding of the way those experiences felt to me. I'm terrified of the idea of talking to them about it; I wouldn't know what to say or how to explain what happened and why, or why I deserve any kind of apology for it. How does one deal with a situation that zie doesn't even realize was con-consensual - that due to my own neuroses and fears I wasn't in a position to give uncoerced consent - except in retrospect. I don't think that positive resolution the rapist and survivor created together is something that is possible for me to have.
And that, I realized as I talked to Danae over the puzzle, was really getting me down, you know?
But just talking about it actually made me feel a lot better. And then we worked on the puzzle. And it was so good. The little things really are, when properly appreciated.
The radio piece, for those who may be interested: http://www.npr.org/2017/07/25/539334346/restorative-justice-an-alternative-to-the-process-campuses-use-for-sexual-assaul
