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Dec. 29th, 2022 10:25 amI want to write more, but I honestly can't put words together as well as I could before the fire. I'm having symptoms that actually sound a lot like what people describe long Covid brain fog to be like, but I think it's just stress and anxiety and fear.
Ella (the dog) typically lies against me while I sleep, which is like the fulfillment of a childhood dream every night. (As a kid, I always wanted a dog to snuggle while sleeping, but none of my parents' dogs wanted to do that.) This morning, after I woke up (actually, was woken up by the loud crash of our cat knocking my jewelery box off the dresser [We just adopted a cat last week! More on that later!]), I moved to nestle against Miriam. Soon after, our cat came by to stand on our pillows and purr, and then lie down against my leg. Being somewhere soft and warm and touching all three of the living beings I share my space with was a damn good feeling.
I have joined several trans-fem groups online and keep feeling so much joy and kinship as I read through them.
A far-away friend (actually Kate, my undergrad advisor) sent me a bag to replace my magical girl (mahō shōjo in Japanese) purse/messenger bag that I lost in the fire at my condo a few months ago. The one I had before was light pink text on brown: this one is rather less subtle!
That said, I feel safer, somehow, taking this out with me instead of my small purple handbag. Being hung up on the handbag makes no rational sense to me. I'm out there with long hair, dangly earrings, boots with heels, and fem-looking sweaters and stuff, but somehow a handbag is a bridge too far? But this bag has worked sort of a baby step toward feeling less scared by a traditional fem-looking purse.
Ella (the dog) typically lies against me while I sleep, which is like the fulfillment of a childhood dream every night. (As a kid, I always wanted a dog to snuggle while sleeping, but none of my parents' dogs wanted to do that.) This morning, after I woke up (actually, was woken up by the loud crash of our cat knocking my jewelery box off the dresser [We just adopted a cat last week! More on that later!]), I moved to nestle against Miriam. Soon after, our cat came by to stand on our pillows and purr, and then lie down against my leg. Being somewhere soft and warm and touching all three of the living beings I share my space with was a damn good feeling.
I have joined several trans-fem groups online and keep feeling so much joy and kinship as I read through them.
A far-away friend (actually Kate, my undergrad advisor) sent me a bag to replace my magical girl (mahō shōjo in Japanese) purse/messenger bag that I lost in the fire at my condo a few months ago. The one I had before was light pink text on brown: this one is rather less subtle!
That said, I feel safer, somehow, taking this out with me instead of my small purple handbag. Being hung up on the handbag makes no rational sense to me. I'm out there with long hair, dangly earrings, boots with heels, and fem-looking sweaters and stuff, but somehow a handbag is a bridge too far? But this bag has worked sort of a baby step toward feeling less scared by a traditional fem-looking purse.
