(no subject)

[stormdog]

I started checking my answers on my stats homework, which in this case involved calculating the area under given portions of the normal curve, but after the first problem I realized that someone must have already written this up as a script that runs on a website somewhere. And lo, someone had. Thanks be to mathematically inclined hackers. I don't need to do all the math twice; I just need to check that I did it right the first time.

And with my homework out of the way (except for printing out my history essay on organized labor in 1935 once I get home, along with editing and resubmitting the first history essay with it), I can write about what I've been up to lately!

This past weekend, I visited anarchist_nomad at his soon-to-be former house for he and gyades house cooling party. I'm sad to see them going, as I like both of them and have always had a great time on the occasions I have the pleasure of their company. Nomad, at least, will be back in the states from time to time, but possibly not as often as he had been in the past, so I'm very glad I got to visit with him.

It was a pleasure to see his partners cheshcat and tawneypup as well. I feel a little bad that I didn't recognize Tawneypup at first, but I have also come to accept that this is the way my brain works. There were many other people I see only infrequently as well, and I'm glad it was so well attended an event. I was also very glad that danaeris and lisagems were both able to come with me; I rarely manage to be at social events with both of them at the same time, and doing so makes me happy.

The social highlights of the night were a couple of lengthy conversations I had with Nomad and Chesh. With Nomad, I talked about school and politics and religion and Livejournal and life in genera. Then he surprised me with an observation. He told me how great it was watching my transformation in the time he's known me; the way I seem to be systematically putting my life together. From being terribly shy and retreating into corners the first times I met him, I've grown tremendously. I've defined myself as an independent person after my breakup. Then I got my education in order and on the way. Then I started exploring politics and public life. And now (as I did in my talks with he and Chesh) am starting to think about the metaphysical in relation to myself; spirituality and religion.

I hadn't thought of it in quite that way, and was flattered at his encouragement and praise. But I also think he's right, and has given me things to think about. I've thought about these things before, of course. But an improving understanding of who I am and what I want my life to be has shown me which paths I want to walk down and which I want to pass by. And I've been doing a lot of walking lately.

With Chesh and Nomad both, though moreso Chesh, I talked about metaphysical thought and her experience in the pagan community. I'm very torn on these ideas. (You can tell this in my word choice; I hesitate to describe my thoughts or leanings as religious or even spiritual. Metaphysical seems 'safer'.) I have a hard time reconciling my rational side with the side of me that believes there's anything more to the world than energy, matter, and natural law. I have a hard time finding an understanding between the part of me that feels positive about spiritual experience and the part that looks at the world history of religion and sees a hollowness, opportunism, and violence.

I'll discuss that more in another post I think, rather than go off an a tangent when I'm trying to talk about a wonderful party. But talking with the both of them on the subject was really interesting. Chesh suggested I might benefit from going to one of the large pagan gatherings that are out there, and since Pagan Spirit Gathering is local and Nomad will be in the states from time to time, he might even go with me. And that would be really neat; having someone who's already a part of the community with me so I don't feel totally isolated there.

I spent some time talking with wiktowasichu about fire spinning. He had his poi and performed a few time through the night, to much appreciation. It was a joy to watch him spinning circles of fire in the air, and I talked with him about poi versus juggling torches like I do. We talked a bit about metalworking too, since he's been trying to do some smith work. I'm hoping he and I can get together int he future. I'd like to photograph him spinning, and maybe share some of my grandfather's legacy with him in the form of doing some smithing together.

Later in the evening, Wiktowasichu raked down the fire in the backyard to prepare for fire walking. It's become a tradition at these parties, and given that this would be my last chance to do it, I was firm on taking it. I wanted to make sure that I had the full experience; once the coals were declared ready, I walked to the side of the firepit and looked in. The coals were beautiful; crimson veins of embers flickered and flowed through the darker portions of the firebed. The heat washed over me in waves, out into the cool night. I hesitated for a few seconds, then stepped in.

Following advice from those more experienced, I walked steadily through at a normal pace. The trip only took two or three seconds. I came out the other end feeling much the same as when I started. The feeling of awe came after I turned back to look back on the glowing coals I'd just walked through and realized that I'd just walked barefoot across them. Nomad and others described a rush afterward that left them floating for days the first time. I didn't feel that, unfortunately. But I did have a sense of elation that stayed with me for a while as I watched the others take their turns.

Part of it was the simple thrill of a new experience; I'm seeking those out more and more. Part of it was the solidarity of participating in this social ritual with others I know. Part of it was having walked across burning hot charcoal, and having a mildly burned ankle as a badge of my accomplishment. It was pretty fantastic. (A small self-interested part of me does wish there had been more people watching right at the beginning so I could have received the applause that people later on did. I feel like this is a failing on my part, and will admit to that. But it's ok; I still got to be a part of it, and that's the memory that matters.)

There was some wonderful home made food there, and I'm afraid I can't remember who made what, but it was all so tasty. The vegetarian chili and the bread were awesome.

Last but not least, having contented, chit-chatty conversation with both of my partners on our tired drive back to Chicago at one in the morning made me really happy. I'm grateful to have both of them in my life.