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Sep. 7th, 2017 07:21 pmFor whatever reason, my healthcare provider has not renewed one of my prescriptions since I ran out at the beginning of the week and my brain is more addled than usual. I've asked about it three or four times now, but have not heard back. I may go there in person tomorrow. I'm staying home from my volunteer night with the dogs because I don't want to handle dogs without being a hundred percent sure I'm up to giving them the necessary concentration.
As I have mentioned to some folks, I left my job at Red Door. Part of what made that a tough choice is that it delays yet further me connecting with a therapist. It's deeply frustrating because I feel like starting therapy is the next step toward goals that have been taunting me, out of reach, for over a decade. I'd been so hopeful about having solid employment and being in a position where I could have good mental health coverage. It says something about how important it was to me to leave Red Door that I'm giving up that certainty for it.
That said, I have an interview coming up for a job I would love. I'm superstitious, I suppose, in that I won't say anything about it until I know more. But I'm very hopeful.
Danae and I have been listening to Lynn Flewelling's Tamir Triad. For complicated reasons, the born-female protagonist is magically made male until her early teens, at which point she becomes female.
The story has tugged on numerous threads in my brain. Earlier this week, in a reflection of some of what Tobin/Tamir was going through, I dreamed that I had changed sex and did not at all know how to act, dress, move, or otherwise enact an identity consistent with my body. Even right after waking, I couldn't remember whether I had changed from male to female or whether it was the other order. I'm not sure that it was clearly defined in the dream, because it doesn't really matter. I don't feel like I know how to be either binary gender anyway.
I may need to hold off on reading the rest of book three. I love Flewelling's work and its good enough to touch all these sources of confusion in my head. The feeling of non-belongingness I've had off and on for some time is fed by the things the book makes me think. That I'm not really anything and don't fit in anywhere when it comes to gender (or other things for that matter, but mostly gender in this context).
I'm so stressy today. I slept most of the day and now I just keep eating and eating....
As I have mentioned to some folks, I left my job at Red Door. Part of what made that a tough choice is that it delays yet further me connecting with a therapist. It's deeply frustrating because I feel like starting therapy is the next step toward goals that have been taunting me, out of reach, for over a decade. I'd been so hopeful about having solid employment and being in a position where I could have good mental health coverage. It says something about how important it was to me to leave Red Door that I'm giving up that certainty for it.
That said, I have an interview coming up for a job I would love. I'm superstitious, I suppose, in that I won't say anything about it until I know more. But I'm very hopeful.
Danae and I have been listening to Lynn Flewelling's Tamir Triad. For complicated reasons, the born-female protagonist is magically made male until her early teens, at which point she becomes female.
The story has tugged on numerous threads in my brain. Earlier this week, in a reflection of some of what Tobin/Tamir was going through, I dreamed that I had changed sex and did not at all know how to act, dress, move, or otherwise enact an identity consistent with my body. Even right after waking, I couldn't remember whether I had changed from male to female or whether it was the other order. I'm not sure that it was clearly defined in the dream, because it doesn't really matter. I don't feel like I know how to be either binary gender anyway.
I may need to hold off on reading the rest of book three. I love Flewelling's work and its good enough to touch all these sources of confusion in my head. The feeling of non-belongingness I've had off and on for some time is fed by the things the book makes me think. That I'm not really anything and don't fit in anywhere when it comes to gender (or other things for that matter, but mostly gender in this context).
I'm so stressy today. I slept most of the day and now I just keep eating and eating....
