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stormdogSo I created an OKCupid profile, with input from Danae, and help with photos from my sweetie Erik (a professional photographer) back in the Chicago area. It feels *so* good to be in happy, functioning poly relationships. Especially after the train wreck that was my relationship with my ex.
But anyway.
I'm kind of terrified of OKC. I was never on it very much in the past (see "terrified of OKC"), but I don't think you had to click 'like' or 'pass' on one person before you could see the next? I feel like I'm not quite ready to start liking people yet, but I also don't want to pass on them and maybe not see them again in case I'm interested later? I'd just like to see the different people around, you know? So for now, I just keep seeing the same few people when I log in.
I'm torn on whether to include people identifying as men or cis-men in my filters. When I have it on, the first person I see is some guy that I'd have no interest in spending time with, and when I turn it off, the couple of women and/or non-binary people I see are much more interesting.
In the abstract, I can be attracted to cis men just like any other gender. But the odds are so much higher of them being problematic in various ways. Plus, I'm not sure I really know how to relate to men? I was pretty bad at being a boy myself, and I think maybe I don't really know what cis male people are like and how to interact with them. I was talking about this at my most recent trans support group meeting, actually. I expressed that I'd like to potentially date men, but at the same time, I'm like "Oh, it's a boy! I don't know what to do with those!"
And as scared as I am about making the commitment of actually indicating to another human being that I think they're nifty and would like to be friends, one of the people I'm seeing is nifty enough to make me think I really might want to do that! So much of what they write about themself and what they're looking for really connects with me! Except for one thing: their profile says that the cultivation and use of cannabis is a very large part of they and their nesting partner's life, and if someone has no interest in it, they probably wouldn't be a good match. They're studying cannabis horticulture and working to become a veterinary cannabis counselor.
Well, I honestly have no interest in it, so that's that I guess.
But anyway.
I'm kind of terrified of OKC. I was never on it very much in the past (see "terrified of OKC"), but I don't think you had to click 'like' or 'pass' on one person before you could see the next? I feel like I'm not quite ready to start liking people yet, but I also don't want to pass on them and maybe not see them again in case I'm interested later? I'd just like to see the different people around, you know? So for now, I just keep seeing the same few people when I log in.
I'm torn on whether to include people identifying as men or cis-men in my filters. When I have it on, the first person I see is some guy that I'd have no interest in spending time with, and when I turn it off, the couple of women and/or non-binary people I see are much more interesting.
In the abstract, I can be attracted to cis men just like any other gender. But the odds are so much higher of them being problematic in various ways. Plus, I'm not sure I really know how to relate to men? I was pretty bad at being a boy myself, and I think maybe I don't really know what cis male people are like and how to interact with them. I was talking about this at my most recent trans support group meeting, actually. I expressed that I'd like to potentially date men, but at the same time, I'm like "Oh, it's a boy! I don't know what to do with those!"
And as scared as I am about making the commitment of actually indicating to another human being that I think they're nifty and would like to be friends, one of the people I'm seeing is nifty enough to make me think I really might want to do that! So much of what they write about themself and what they're looking for really connects with me! Except for one thing: their profile says that the cultivation and use of cannabis is a very large part of they and their nesting partner's life, and if someone has no interest in it, they probably wouldn't be a good match. They're studying cannabis horticulture and working to become a veterinary cannabis counselor.
Well, I honestly have no interest in it, so that's that I guess.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-21 05:28 pm (UTC)I'd had no interest in anyone of either gender previously.
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Date: 2022-08-21 05:42 pm (UTC)But I also think I haven't been fully connected to my sexual self even after that. It's hard to explain (though you probably understand to some extent!), but since beginning to transition, I've felt more in touch with myself in numerous ways, including my sexuality. That's part of why I'm feeling motivated to try dating. There's a lot of me that I'd like to get to know better.
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Date: 2022-08-21 09:21 pm (UTC)To me these all feel like catalogues. Like I don't truly believe that anyone but a creep will be interested in me, the overlap in the Venn diagram between "monogamous people" and "people who share my politics" is two separate circles, and I can't tell if I like someone by a picture and a bunch of questions about the things they like. And I always felt whenever I was doing it that anyone else was just looking at me and comparing me to other profiles and thinking, "ohhh, maybe this one? but probably another one will be better."
That's slightly less nightmarish than the apps, though. I don't want to use my phone to date holy shit.
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Date: 2022-08-22 12:16 am (UTC)I'm pretty neutral on the pictures, but I do feel like maybe if someone answers a lot of questions the same way I do, we'll have stuff to talk about, and I won't find out they're a climate change denier or something and have to jump through a window to get the hell out of there?