Work!

U: I need access to folder x. No, I don't know what the full path is. I think it might be on server y. You mean you don't know which folder I need?

U: I just recieved my new laptop and I can no longer connect to my neighbor's wireless network. Can you please assist?

U: *Calls my number, does not leave a message. Calls M's old number and does not leave a message. Calls my team lead's number and does not leave a message. Calls my manager's number and gets her to come find me where I am installing a computer for another person and asks me to get on the phone. I do so.
U: I just changed my password and now I can't access my email. I'm getting prompted for a password.
Me: Usually that means your local password and the password on the servers have gotten out of synch. You'll need to lock your computer and then unlock it with the new password so that...
U: (Interrupting) Is that why there's a box at the bottom of the screen that says "Windows needs your credentials: please lock and unlock your computer with your current password?"
Me: *Blinks and tries to figure out how to respond to that question without flagrantly violating HR policy. Fails and decides to ignore it and continue.*

U: When I use my finger to go around, it doesn't work very well. Do you have a mouse I can use?
Me: *Blinks and tries to figure out how to respond to that question without flagrantly violating HR policy. Manages to refrain from giggling manically while offering use of a mouse.*

U: I need to be added to the xyz mail list. Please email me back when done. Thanks.
Me: *Looks at the five different mailing lists that are all named with some variation of xyz and sighs*

U: Since my mailbox was migrated to the new mail servers, I have been unable to access (application that functions as an Outlook add-on and has never and will never be supported through webmail) through webmail.
Me: I'm afraid that that application does not work through webmail.
U: Oh. I got a note that said I should test webmail and (application) after the migration to make sure they are still working, so I thought that (application) would now work through webmail.
Me: *Blinks* *Blinks again* No.

U:*Submits a critical incident, defined as one that is important enough to affect company revenue in some way, and thus causes an email alert to go out to the entire help desk staff and manager.
Me: *Investigates nature of incident and finds that the problem is that the user is unable to print to his local printer. Contemplates tracking user down with an improvised electric cattle prod.*

U: My computer can't connect to the VPN. It keeps saying that it's going to redial, but I'm not using dial-up; I'm on broadband.
Me: Well, the term 'redial' is kind of a holdover from when everything was a real dial-up connection. That just means it's going to try again.
U: Ok, but I don't understand why it's trying to use the modem.
Me: *Repeats explanation and begins troubleshooting. It appears to be a problem with her ISP. Advise her to check with them on whether there are any current problems.*
U: (Dubiously) Alright, I'll call (ISP). It still sounds wrong to me though that it's trying to use the modem to connect, but I'll call and see what they think. Thanks.
Me: *Loses a little more faith in humanity.*