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Jun. 14th, 2012 12:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogThe driving from Aurora I did to and back from Evanston took longer than I thought it would so I didn't manage to get back to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
danaeris's house until after the Fermi board game meetup. Since I had planned to do more packing there, I debated passing on the board gaming in favor of packing. Instead, I decided to play games and stay much later in Aurora than I expected so that I could see everybody at Fermi again.
I'm glad I did that. I realized as I was there that I'm going to miss Fermi and the people I saw there regularly a lot. It's unusual to be someplace or do something and know consciously that it will be the last time. And while Danae or I may be back for a game night or a photo visit to the campus here and there, it's not going to be a regular thing, and it won't be the same.
There were fewer people than I'd hoped, so I didn't get to see all of the regular folks. The night had to be moved from Monday to Wednesday so not everyone could be there, and at least a couple were out of state at their graduations. But I saw four or five people who I'd become familiar with and may even have a new Diablo 3 play-partner out of it.
What's really weird to me though is thinking about the possibility that I will never see some of those people again in my life. Much like people where I worked at my last job, or with whom I couch-surfed in the Keweenaw, or whose house (well, sort of) I stayed in in Florida, or any number of other people who were a part of my life for a greater or lesser time, there's a non-trivial chance that I'll never see them in person again. As well, I'm really going to miss Danae's housemates, who are wonderful people who I like a lot (And their kids are great too!), but the odds that I'm going to be in Aurora much now that Danae won't be living there are not so great. It makes me sad.
These thoughts combined with thoughts about the shutdown of the Tevatron (since I was at Fermilab) and with thoughts of people who I will definitely never see again in person, given that they're dead. Relatively, that seems like a large number lately. Or maybe it's just a certain level of time compression making the time between those deaths seem shorter. Last night, on the way off the campus, I stopped and stared at Wilson Hall in the dark for a while, wondering whether I'll ever see the place in the dark like that again, or be able to see the off-limits areas that Danae took me too.
The melancholy went away after working for a while, but as I started helping with the packing again after the meetup, I was feeling clingy and down, almost tearful. And then I felt bad for feeling bad, because Danae has been involved with these places and people longer than I have and I felt like if I felt that bad about saying goodbye, it would make it more difficult for her to express feelings of that nature to me if she has them. She told me I was over-thinking.
Maybe I'm out of things to write on this. I'm feeling better today. These goodbyes are a regularly occurring part of life, and most people need to experience them. I just wanted to share some of my feelings as this one happens.
Tonight, I'm driving to Detroit withlisagems; that'll be fun!
danaeris's house until after the Fermi board game meetup. Since I had planned to do more packing there, I debated passing on the board gaming in favor of packing. Instead, I decided to play games and stay much later in Aurora than I expected so that I could see everybody at Fermi again.I'm glad I did that. I realized as I was there that I'm going to miss Fermi and the people I saw there regularly a lot. It's unusual to be someplace or do something and know consciously that it will be the last time. And while Danae or I may be back for a game night or a photo visit to the campus here and there, it's not going to be a regular thing, and it won't be the same.
There were fewer people than I'd hoped, so I didn't get to see all of the regular folks. The night had to be moved from Monday to Wednesday so not everyone could be there, and at least a couple were out of state at their graduations. But I saw four or five people who I'd become familiar with and may even have a new Diablo 3 play-partner out of it.
What's really weird to me though is thinking about the possibility that I will never see some of those people again in my life. Much like people where I worked at my last job, or with whom I couch-surfed in the Keweenaw, or whose house (well, sort of) I stayed in in Florida, or any number of other people who were a part of my life for a greater or lesser time, there's a non-trivial chance that I'll never see them in person again. As well, I'm really going to miss Danae's housemates, who are wonderful people who I like a lot (And their kids are great too!), but the odds that I'm going to be in Aurora much now that Danae won't be living there are not so great. It makes me sad.
These thoughts combined with thoughts about the shutdown of the Tevatron (since I was at Fermilab) and with thoughts of people who I will definitely never see again in person, given that they're dead. Relatively, that seems like a large number lately. Or maybe it's just a certain level of time compression making the time between those deaths seem shorter. Last night, on the way off the campus, I stopped and stared at Wilson Hall in the dark for a while, wondering whether I'll ever see the place in the dark like that again, or be able to see the off-limits areas that Danae took me too.
The melancholy went away after working for a while, but as I started helping with the packing again after the meetup, I was feeling clingy and down, almost tearful. And then I felt bad for feeling bad, because Danae has been involved with these places and people longer than I have and I felt like if I felt that bad about saying goodbye, it would make it more difficult for her to express feelings of that nature to me if she has them. She told me I was over-thinking.
Maybe I'm out of things to write on this. I'm feeling better today. These goodbyes are a regularly occurring part of life, and most people need to experience them. I just wanted to share some of my feelings as this one happens.
Tonight, I'm driving to Detroit with
lisagems; that'll be fun!
