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Aug. 17th, 2004 07:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormdogI love being at the Renaissance Faire. Much like being at a convention, I feel at home there in a way that is unlike nearly any space I can think of apart from cons. I feel like I am in something that I can really be a part of; a feeling that I've never felt in any societally 'normal' activities. That's the same reason that I find faire slightly depressing too.
I thought about an appropriate analogy for my situation at faire, and as a part of large social gatherings in general, on my way home Sunday evening as I talked with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
woosime. What came to mind was a phrase from a movie that she had finally managed to get me to watch a month or so ago. In a way reminiscent of the protagonist in 'Fight Club', I meet a lot of single serving friends. Andrea introduces me to people and I listen in to them talk. They all seem like really interesting people; the sort of people that I could be friends with. I even manage to participate in the conversation myself myself to some degree. Then, once we've both gone on our way, I have very little chance of recongnizing them again. Though to be perfectly analogous they would have to be people that I never see again, unless I have Andrea (or someone else to tell me who people are) with me, that might just as well be the case.
It's much better in small group situations; if there are only, say, four of five other people apart from Andrea and myself I can keep things sorted out. Given enough time with the same people in small groups, I can learn to recognize them, even out of a group, mostly reliably. At faire, it's a vastly different situation.
I wandered about the grounds briefly on Saturday. I looked in shops, I watched pieces of shows. I avoided eye contact as I habitually do so that people would think I hadn't noticed them. On several occasions, groups of people hailed me by name and I pretended that I had some inkling about their identity. Soon I returned to the shop that my sunrise is working at for the run of the show. It's just stressful navigating the grounds without my seeing-eye raccoon.
As I stated before, I love the faire in general. Being there truly makes me happy. There are just occasional slightly depressing reminders of the parts that I'm not sure I can ever be a part of:
Someone asked me whether I was taking part in the rogue games, assuming by the way I looked and my presence with Andrea (who is a member of the complimentary wench's guild) that I was part of the rogue's guild. I'm not sure I can really learn enough people and faces to be a part of that.
Some of the cast stopped by our booth and made a big in character production out of one of them trying on a pair of tights. I thought about how many of the playtrons engage in pieces of street theatre with each other and with the cast. I would love to be able to do that; I just can't remember people well enough to tell them apart and respond appropriately to their roles or keep previous interaction with them in my head.
Lastly, there was a brief conversation between Andrea and a friend that struck me. Her friend explained that, in the relationship she's in, both of them have freedom to be flirty and enjoy themselves at faire; they both know who they're going home with at the end of the day. Andrea told her that we have a similar arrangement which is true. Andrea has many friends who she flirts and plays with, bestowing and receiving hugs and smooches and bawdy remarks. I'm glad of that. It's fun. It makes her happy and confident, and she should be. She gives me the same permission. I was never confident enough to play that way until I met Andrea. Now, I think it's something I would really enjoy. It hurts a little bit that it may well be something I am not capable of doing.
I feel it at cons too. It hurts a little bit to be in an environment perfectly suited to expressing so much of my personality that the general populace does not understand in a safe and fun way with so many people I would really get along with, and my disability keeps me from doing so. I feel like I'm on the fringes of my community and don't know how to really join it. I never realzied how deeply affecting a thing it is until I finally got involved with real organized fandom at MFF two years ago. I never had enough faces in my life that I needed to know for it to be an issue...
Again, I love being at the faire and I thoroughly enjoyed hanging around the booth with Andrea and Ginger and talking to our friends when they wandered by (and Andrea could tell me who I was talking to...). As Sunday passed by I often wished that it wouldn't end; that I could just stay there for weeks at a time. I eagerly await going back next weekend. It makes me happy. There's just always the knowledge in the back of my mind that I could get so much more out of faire and the people there if I could just tell who they were without having to ask them every time I see them.
More info on faceblindness (Prosopagnosia) here for those interested.
There are still things I want to write, hopefully coming soon. In the meantime, I have a lot to do around here and I've probably spent too much time on this already.
I thought about an appropriate analogy for my situation at faire, and as a part of large social gatherings in general, on my way home Sunday evening as I talked with
woosime. What came to mind was a phrase from a movie that she had finally managed to get me to watch a month or so ago. In a way reminiscent of the protagonist in 'Fight Club', I meet a lot of single serving friends. Andrea introduces me to people and I listen in to them talk. They all seem like really interesting people; the sort of people that I could be friends with. I even manage to participate in the conversation myself myself to some degree. Then, once we've both gone on our way, I have very little chance of recongnizing them again. Though to be perfectly analogous they would have to be people that I never see again, unless I have Andrea (or someone else to tell me who people are) with me, that might just as well be the case. It's much better in small group situations; if there are only, say, four of five other people apart from Andrea and myself I can keep things sorted out. Given enough time with the same people in small groups, I can learn to recognize them, even out of a group, mostly reliably. At faire, it's a vastly different situation.
I wandered about the grounds briefly on Saturday. I looked in shops, I watched pieces of shows. I avoided eye contact as I habitually do so that people would think I hadn't noticed them. On several occasions, groups of people hailed me by name and I pretended that I had some inkling about their identity. Soon I returned to the shop that my sunrise is working at for the run of the show. It's just stressful navigating the grounds without my seeing-eye raccoon.
As I stated before, I love the faire in general. Being there truly makes me happy. There are just occasional slightly depressing reminders of the parts that I'm not sure I can ever be a part of:
Someone asked me whether I was taking part in the rogue games, assuming by the way I looked and my presence with Andrea (who is a member of the complimentary wench's guild) that I was part of the rogue's guild. I'm not sure I can really learn enough people and faces to be a part of that.
Some of the cast stopped by our booth and made a big in character production out of one of them trying on a pair of tights. I thought about how many of the playtrons engage in pieces of street theatre with each other and with the cast. I would love to be able to do that; I just can't remember people well enough to tell them apart and respond appropriately to their roles or keep previous interaction with them in my head.
Lastly, there was a brief conversation between Andrea and a friend that struck me. Her friend explained that, in the relationship she's in, both of them have freedom to be flirty and enjoy themselves at faire; they both know who they're going home with at the end of the day. Andrea told her that we have a similar arrangement which is true. Andrea has many friends who she flirts and plays with, bestowing and receiving hugs and smooches and bawdy remarks. I'm glad of that. It's fun. It makes her happy and confident, and she should be. She gives me the same permission. I was never confident enough to play that way until I met Andrea. Now, I think it's something I would really enjoy. It hurts a little bit that it may well be something I am not capable of doing.
I feel it at cons too. It hurts a little bit to be in an environment perfectly suited to expressing so much of my personality that the general populace does not understand in a safe and fun way with so many people I would really get along with, and my disability keeps me from doing so. I feel like I'm on the fringes of my community and don't know how to really join it. I never realzied how deeply affecting a thing it is until I finally got involved with real organized fandom at MFF two years ago. I never had enough faces in my life that I needed to know for it to be an issue...
Again, I love being at the faire and I thoroughly enjoyed hanging around the booth with Andrea and Ginger and talking to our friends when they wandered by (and Andrea could tell me who I was talking to...). As Sunday passed by I often wished that it wouldn't end; that I could just stay there for weeks at a time. I eagerly await going back next weekend. It makes me happy. There's just always the knowledge in the back of my mind that I could get so much more out of faire and the people there if I could just tell who they were without having to ask them every time I see them.
More info on faceblindness (Prosopagnosia) here for those interested.
There are still things I want to write, hopefully coming soon. In the meantime, I have a lot to do around here and I've probably spent too much time on this already.
