MeghanIsMe

The way my hair pours in gentle waves down my chest and over my breasts after I shower reminds me of when I first had long hair in my, I think, early teens. I had seen plenty of fantasy novel covers and other art with women (or mermaids, or fem faeries, or what-have-you) painted with their hair strategically concealing those terrible female nipples that society has decided are inappropriate to view. As that young teen, I liked trying to arrange my hair like that, feeling like maybe I was kind of pretty (though I probably wouldn't have used that word): like a mermaid from a fantasy novel.

Still took another 25ish years to figure out that, just maybe, I was trans. I'm slow sometimes.

Anyway, I have new lemony body wash and it smells SO GOOD!

The piercing seems like it's healing really well. But once in a while, I catch it with a comb or something and it becomes immediately clear that healing well is not healed. Ow ow ow!

I'm trying to get myself looking nice to bring my bike to the shop. The last time I had it in, they said that the headset bearings couldn't be fully secured correctly because...I can't remember why. Probably wear? On my last long ride I noticed the headset was loose again, so I want to see what needs to be done. If I knew it was just replacing bearings or something I'd probably do it myself, but I don't feel like my knowledge is sufficient to know what's necessary.

I'm hoping this doesn't mean I need a whole fork (one of the few original pieces of the bike) or that the frame is worn out or something. But it's probably nothing so catastrophic?

It's really frustrating to have my eyebrows and hair and things looking the way I want in the mirror but knowing I have to put a mask on to go out and it will get my hair all messed up again, but so it goes.

The hair doo-dad I mentioned in my previous post.

Miriam just showed me how to use these yesterday and now I'm like, where have you been all my life, little plastic hair doo-dad? In the local trans Discord, I wrote:

But really, If you have long hair that you want to look fem and these might be your thing, give 'em a try! For a long time, even though I had long hair, I haven't really been sure how to make it look fem. This was simple!

For no apparent reason, I was moving slowly and feeling worn-out this morning. I even went to bed a little early last night. My ride in was slow, even in warm enough weather for a t-shirt and no vest, but I left a little early (because I ate leftover pizza instead of assembling a bowl of cereal) so I arrived at the usual time.

I'm doing something more complicated than a ponytail with my hair at work lately. I collect the hair straight back from my temples into one elastic, then combine that tail with the hair below into another tail with a scrunchy, and then add a third scrunchy at the base of my neck. I like the way it looks in the mirror, though I haven't managed to see the back of my head straight on. I have all this hair, and I'm tired of not doing anything pretty or interesting with it.

I'm so mentally lethargic today...

The director of my library is having a staff party at her place this coming weekend. I want to wear something similar to my outfit for my Sunday date with Miriam, but I am terrified of doing so. I don't know what I'll end up wearing, but reminding myself that challenging gender expectations is an inherently political action that other people can benefit from has been helping make that kind of expression manageable in a lot more circumstances than in the past.

You may remember my co-worker who was subjected to an attempted mugging a little while back. Last weekend a friend of his was shot and killed in Rogers Park for unknown reasons. His wallet was still on him, and his two small dogs were still there when he was found, which adds even more heartbreak. The murdered man's husband isn't in a very good position to deal with this (as if one ever could be). The co-worker, who lives in the area, can't help but wonder if, given his vision problems, he's just going to end up housebound and living in fear. Said co-worker is also coming to terms with the fact that he needs to leave the library and apply for disability.

I guess the world has always been this fucked up and I hadn't really noticed. I guess I'd been kind of insulated in a lot of ways.