stormdog | Entries tagged with social media

Something I wrote on Facebook, after an incident that led to me unfriending someone over racism.

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Maybe this is a sort of AITA (Am I the Asshole) post. Maybe it's just an expression of confusion and anxiety and sadness.

Today, a thing happened that, though different in details, is the same in shape and form as other things that have happened in the past. There's a pattern.

In an otherwise-justified angry rant, someone invoked the stereotype that people in Nigeria live in huts and share their space with livestock.

This is a racist stereotype.

Isn't it? Am I wrong about that? Because this evening, I keep questioning myself about this, repeatedly and at length. I question whether I am wrong because when that stereotype was invoked, no one else said anything about it. Even though I'm sure many of the people reading the conversation truly care about issues of social justice like racism, no others in the over 1000 potential readers seemed to notice or feel the need to say anything. (ETA: I'm told that one other person did follow up on what I said and agreed with me, and that makes me feel a little more confident in what I did.)

I tried to gently point out the problem. Maybe I'm not good at being gentle. Or maybe I was too vague at first and too direct later. I don't know. But I said I was specifically objecting to the stereotype of Nigerians living in huts that they share with livestock, and the person who wrote the original rant said that they were being intentionally insulting with that phrase and did not rewrite their comment or acknowledge the problem.

It was terrifying to say anything in the first place. I'm terrified of conflict, and of taking up social space, and of criticizing other people. And when the person did not acknowledge the point, I felt like there was nothing else I could do. Nothing else I was brave enough to do, or that would be effective. And to let it go feels akin to saying that, if someone is angry enough, racism just gets a pass.

So I unfriended them.

We all have racist ideas in ourselves. I certainly do, having been enculturated as a white individual in the sea of racism that is the United States. That's part of what makes it so important for me, as a person of privilege, to be aware of and call attention to racism when other people of privilege are engaging in it. This is our responsibility.

This is my understanding of what anti-racism is meant to be.

But things like this leave me questioning myself and my understanding of social interactions, and even of racism. Am I wrong? I have such a hard time believing someone else is wrong and I am right that it's easy for me to start thinking I must be in the wrong. I must be making something out of nothing.

It's really hard for me to call out instances of discrimination. I feel torn between my fear of causing distress and anger vs. my belief that it is my responsibility to point these things out when I see them. I've been alternately anxious and angry and sad this evening. I cried a little. I talked to Miriam. I took Ella to the dog park to relax, but I kept thinking about this even as we walked around the field and Ella chased and played with new doggy friends. I want to know what the right thing to do is.

I'm looking for people to tell me that pointing out what appears to me to be racism is the right thing. Or that it's the wrong thing and I shouldn't trust myself to tell when I'm seeing something racist. I'd like to know that if I am doing the right thing, people support me, even though it feels so isolating and confusing sometimes.

I'd like to understand why, if I am doing the right thing, I am the only person doing that thing among so many other people who also care about social justice.

I know I have readers who may have seen this interaction. I don't mean to call anyone out. I mean, I don't even know if calling people out is the right thing to do. I just wish there was someone or someones to talk to about this who understand the whole situation and could tell me what they think is the right thing to do. If you fit that description and are up to talking about it, maybe we could talk in messenger to avoid discussing it in public if you want?

Current Mood: sad

I told my therapist I feel like I am poorly suited to typical forms of communication used by humans I might like to be in touch with. I recalled a speaker at an anthropology conference who opined that most anthropologists are maladapted to their own culture, and that trying to use Facebook makes me feel that way.
In part, she replied that humans are able to make choices about what kinds of systems of communication they want to use, and are able to learn how to use those systems in ways that work for them.

I feel a lot of loneliness. I have no social contact with other people other than that mediated by the internet. This doesn't seem likely to change in the near term, so I'm trying to figure out how to manage Facebook better.

I have always felt like if I have someone on my "friends" list, I should be reading the things that they post. Yet, thanks to Facebook's algorithms making its own decisions about what to show me when I look at my friends list, I've never been doing that anyway. But I tried, and I think that's the wrong approach.
I've been trying to figure out how to use Facebook's content filtering. I created a custom list of friends, and then realized that you can only use those to *post* content, not to read it. I looked at the "favorites" system, and was aggravated to find that it is limited to 30 accounts. Whether that's a limit I'll come up against is an open question since I'm reducing the number of accounts I'm reading tremendously, but the principle bothers me. There seems to be no way to have a reading list with an arbitrary number of people on it, nor can you have more than one "favorites" list. I won't ask why Facebook has designed an interface like this: the answer is that it makes them money in some way. But it will never make me happy. Ever.

But maybe I can work with it. I'm going to give it a shot.

Another major problem I've had with Facebook, probably the whole time I've been on it, is that it makes me feel alienated. This happens both with content I have actively chosen to view (memes and such posted by friends) and content I am unintentionally exposed to (things that friends share from accounts I am not following). It happens a lot with political content (and really, everything is political) from all sides and perspectives. It's because of the way content for Facebook is typically simplified to fit the space and attention spans.

I can't get away from the aggravation and frustration I feel when something I care about is being over-simplified. And then I feel extra-aggravated and frustrated because many of posts in favor of things I care about are that kind of over-simplification, and then I feel alienated from the people I agree with as much as I do from the people I disagree with. I think I just need to avoid all of that entirely, and that's one chunk of the content filtering I'm going to try to apply.

I don't know if Facebook is the platform for me at all. But I'm going apply a ton of content filtering and then try to interact with people in some kind of regular way, and see if it helps. It's worth a try, I think. If I can find a way to use Facebook that keeps me from feeling more alienated that connected, and more aggravated then happy, that would be cool.

I don't feel like I have a lot of spoons to put into learning how to manage systems in my life, but I also need to find ways to chip away at the anxiety and depression that is taking up most of those spoons. I need to find somewhere to start a bootstrapping process for my mental health.

Current Mood: okay

Interesting; now I'm getting ads in Engrish on Facebook. From an ad for t-shirts with some weird 8-bit art making a reference I don't get:

"If your love soccer，the name of Andrea Pirlo and Mario Balotelli won't be unknowable.
This painting called Conversation Between Gods means the kidding of these legendary soccer players."

I guess the meaning of that ad will be unknowable for me. Maybe they're just the kidding?

I should note that ad appears to be a bare-chested man pinching the nipple of a green-skinned and bare-chested alien-man.

I should also note that, while I'm not sure what's going on in that art, it really does *not* look like soccer.

Current Mood: confused
Crossposts: https://stormdog.livejournal.com/1326152.html

I'm going to take a social media break for a day or so. Or maybe through the end of the weekend?

It's confusing trying to pack to spend a weekend with my boyfriend. He's picking me up after work Friday, so I can't do it Friday evening. I volunteer at the animal shelter on Thursdays and have my therapy appointments beforehand, so I don't have time to do it on Thursdays. So I put a bunch of clothes in a bag on the couch yesterday evening; that should be the bulk of it.

Current Mood: awake
Crossposts: https://stormdog.livejournal.com/1318981.html

Though the widespread knee-jerk reactions of a the type commonly seen on social media often does not directly affect me, the kerfluflle about Fair Oaks Farm has meant that the milk Danae and I buy is no longer available at the stores we shop at. The nutritional profile of their milk is far better than typical milk for people with with the blood-sugar issues that she has.

I just wish everyone would wait for complete stories before feeding the rage machine with out-of-context bits and pieces.

Beyond that, animal abuse will never stop happening within the context of industrial agriculture. In some ways, industrial agriculture *is* animal abuse. If you're angry about people physically abusing a few cows in particular but not angry about the way livestock in general is treated, please stop making my life more difficult with your hypocrisy.

Crossposts: https://stormdog.livejournal.com/1317691.html

It was February of 2003 that I created my LJ account after starting to blog on a site I hosted myself. It was originally an attempt to make friends because I didn't have any. It turned into a really useful record of my life so far.

16 years now.

Current Mood: okay
Crossposts: https://stormdog.livejournal.com/1288626.html

I kind of wish I could make a little note about why I'm blocking someone on Facebook. Something like "Referred to President Obama as a nigger", or "Said that a person with a uterus is crazy for identifying as a man." Just so that if it happens that I've blocked a friend of a friend and said friend is curious about why, I can tell them. But I suppose 99% of the time it boils down to "Provided ample evidence of being a giant asshole," so maybe notes aren't that important.

Current Mood: annoyed

Earlier today, I shared an essay on Facebook written by Jim Wright, a retired military officer, about 9/11 and the importance of moving beyond the blind nationalism that sometimes surrounds it. That we instead work toward the kind of national unity that can come from collective response to a crisis.

Facebook removed that post because it violated community standards. How 'bout that? Now it's gone from my timeline, down the memory hole.

I think that, more than anything else that's happened, inclines me toward closing down my Facebook account. I don't want to be a part of a communications venue that takes that kind of action. The problem is that I can't leave Facebook without closing the communication channels that connect me to many of the people I interact with the most frequently online. Facebook has become the de facto national messenger service for a large group of people, and it's really hard to opt out of that in a way that doesn't really and truly change one's position in a social network.

I need to think about potential responses or solutions to this.

Current Mood: angry

I feel very naked without internet access. I broke my desktop down to get ready to take it to Evanston, and the next thing I did was get my laptop set up on the desk. I might be an addict.

It's a little problematic, given how easily-distracted I am by social media. I think I'm going to close all the windows again and keep packing. But I really do feel better knowing I have access to email and things again, so help me.