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It's been a while; sorry about that.

I've been writing a lot of short little Facebook things, but it often feels inappropriate to post short stuff here (I'm not sure why) and cross-posting also takes effort which I haven't had a lot of energy for. I might collect all my Facebook stuff and put it here because I'd really like to have it archived, and DW and LJ are essentially my personal live archives.

I drove to Kenosha. I spent two weeks there with my mother and brother Tim who lives with her. We saw a lot of my brother James who lives in Kenosha. My sweeties Lisa and Erik both made it to Kenosha for a day or two to help me deal with stuff. Other friends came to visit too and I deeply appreciate everyone who was able to give me their time and support.

I spent a lot of the two weeks dealing with the huge amount of *stuff* that Miriam and I (mostly me) had stored there. There was so much more stuff than I remembered, and it was overwhelming, but it also kept my mind busy with a lot of sorting and stuff so that helped. I had about 35-40 boxes of just books and weeded out about 19, I think, to give away. The rest will get up to Regina in the nearish future because I want my mother to be able to sell the house if she wants to.

I'm going to try and start putting the stuff from FB here, and hopefully also put all the other stuff from the last 3-4 weeks here for those interested and for my records.

So I Bought a Bunch of Anime Because I Need Stuff to Keep My Brain Busy When I Have No Energy

I was getting ads for a Summer sale by Sentai Filmworks, an anime publisher. So I looked at their stuff and started putting a cart together, thinking I'd go through and filter it later.

Friends, I did not filter it later. I've been sad and stressed and I want things that will make me happy that don't involve stuffing myself 'til my stomach hurts. I bought all the anime.

In the evenings, I often haven't been up to doing much other than watching videos on YouTube (which feels really strange to even type given how little I've done that in the past), and I thought, maybe if I had some more engaging stuff that will make me feel good things instead of watching videos about infrastructure and electronics repair that make me *think* things when I'm not always up to thinking, it would help me get through.

So here's what I bought, along with my understandings of their contents from reading about them online. I would love it if anyone local wanted to watch any of it with me, assuming we can find a compromise that makes Covid risk acceptable. I could bring a media player and TV out on the patio if nothing else.

1 - Things that are not yuri:

*Hidamari Sketch Picture Perfect Collection:
I actually bought this basically because it sounds a lot like Azumanga Daioh. It follows Yuno, an initially shy and anxious girl who has been accepted to a prestigious art-focused high school, through her four years there as she progresses through the curriculum and gets to know other girls. Her older friends graduate and leave, freshmen join the program who she becomes friends with, and she wonders about what she wants to do with her life at graduation. Meanwhile, typical high school things happen. This is a lengthy series with a huge runtime of 1450 minutes!

This is probably another good example that's antithetical to Miriam's taste in anime. For my part. I loved Azumanga Daioh (another series about high school girls being friends together) *so* much that I never read the last few pages of the manga because I didn't want it to end. I hope I love this one too.

*Long Riders! Complete Collection:
This follows Ami, university student who's never had a bike until she sees someone riding a folding bike and decides something like that might be right for her and buys one. She and her friend Aoi start riding together, and they make more girls from the school who all enjoy long bike rides together. There's not really any conflict, and in most (every?) episode, they go for a ride together and share food. This is a 12 episode show with a runtime of 300 minutes.

Miriam has zero interest in this. My own reaction is "Can this be my life? Please?"

2 - On to the yuri!

*Bloom Into You Complete Collection:
I have 5 volumes of this manga and love it! Yuu, a high school student, is asked out by a male classmate. She loves romantic books and stories, but to her surprise feels nothing and declines. Later, she sees a second year student, Touko, similarly turning down a boy, and thinks that maybe Touko has uncertainty like her own. Yuu makes friends with Touko and they become closer, but then Touko expresses interest in Yuu! Again Yuu feels nothing and is internally confused about why, but still wants to be friends with Touko. The story follows the continuing happenings in their lives and relationship.

When I read the manga, Yuu's character felt a lot like demisexual representation, which I identified with strongly at the time, so I'm excited to see the anime! This is a 13 episode series with a runtime of 325 minutes.

*Fragtime
Misuzu can stop time for three minutes for everyone but herself, once per day. It isn't a long enough period to do anything complex, so she mostly just screws around with it. One day, she uses the power to look up Haruka's (a classmate she has a crush on) skirt, but it turns out Haruka is immune to the time freeze! (No, non-consensual things like that are *really* not ok, but it seems like she learns something about that.) This is a movie with a runtime of 60 minutes.

*Kase-san and Morning Glories Complete Collection
High school is ending and Yamada and Kase must decide if they want to stay together and explore a potential relationship, or let it go and move in with their post-high-school lives. It seems like this is almost a highlights reel of the much longer manga, reading reviews on Amazon, so if I like it I may look for the manga next! This is a movie with a 60 minute runtime.

*Mysteria Friends Premium Box Set
This has a fantasy setting at a school of magic! Anne, a human honor student and a princess, and Grea, a half-human/half-dragon who is *also* a princess, become friends, and eventually realize they feel more than friendship. This is a 10 episode series with a runtime of 150 minutes.

*Sakura Trick Complete Collection
Haruka and Yuu have sat next to each other through all of junior high because their names are so close to each other. But in high school, they were separated in the classroom! Oh no! So to show that their friendship is still important to each other they...decide to kiss? A lot? But they're really not girlfriends! They just really like kissing each other! This one is a 12 episode series with a 300 minute runtime.

Covering My Trip To Kenosha

I think I'll try and post a batch of stuff from Facebook while I was away maybe once a day or so here to not overwhelm people who actually want to read it.

( From July 1st through 3rd )

No Dog Park Motivation

I'm having a really hard time getting myself to go out to the dog park with Ella. So little motivation. I keep thinking it would be a nice thing to do tonight, but I also just keep not doing it.

Train Girl and Stuff

Not on Facebook because she reads my posts there!

I'm feeling sad that train girl (the local trans girl I have a big crush on) and I have not gotten together in person since I've gotten back. She asked me to get some cheese curds for her and I made a stop at Mars Cheese Castle just to get them. And we've talked about getting together in person several times; at a dog park, or in her back yard with a fire. I have now invited her to come to the new/old place to watch some of the anime I just bought with me, when we have appropriate COVID mitigation measure in place. (A Corsi-Rosenthal box, open windows, plus good masks is enough for Miriam to feel like the risk is acceptably low.) I have some books that she was really interested in too, including an automobile mechanics manual that's now a bit over 100 years old. She asked what I'd sell it for when I said I was getting rid of it, but it's not worth much, and I told her that even if I didn't have a crush on her, I think she appreciates things like that in the same way I do so I'd be happy to just give it to her.

Yes, I did in fact tell her I have a crush on her and that, if she wasn't in a closed relationship and it wasn't for COVID, I would quite likely ask her out. She's only the second person in my life I've ever expressed interest in before the other person expressed interest in me. In the past, it was terrifying, and as I may have written, I think I didn't really know how to relate to people in that way as a boy. I thought I was demi-sexual, and that I needed a long time with someone to feel safe and comfortable with them.

Now? *sighs* In all honesty, I *really* want to go out and be slutty with other trans girls (I mean, I'm gender-flexible here, but that's where my brain is mostly at right now) and I'm fairly sure I would have no problem expressing that to them. It's so incredibly frustrating that I finally know who I am and what I want and be unable to do much about it. I have a lot of fear that by the time we know things are safe enough for Miriam, nobody will be interested in me anymore and I won't be able to fit into that kind of scene. It's causing more distress than most anything else in my life, with some obvious exceptions.