(no subject)

From, and largely referring to, Facebbook:

I haven't managed to have much social interaction recently. For quite some time, really. Facebook is my primary form of interaction with people other than my partner, and I don't seem to be very good at Facebooking. One form taken by the social anxiety I live with is a feeling that my interactions with other people are often unexpected and intrusive. I shouldn't respond to frivolous stuff because I don't feel like I know that person well enough for them to want me to participate in a form of communication whose significance is in the enjoyment of connection rather than the content of the messages. I shouldn't respond to serious stuff because, again, I don't feel like I know that person well enough for them to want my input on more serious things. So I just shouldn't talk to anyone I don't know well about anything. That means that I never get to know anybody well because I don't know them well enough.

My brain is broken.

I'm going to try to change the way I occupy this space. I just joined a number of groups (a few poly-related groups and one for demisexual folks) and have been actively engaging there. I'm trying to respond more to miscellaneous posts by FB friends and acquaintances too. Maybe that will even turn into more in-person interaction, in time. There are a number of people who I feel like have been on the periphery of my life for years, at a more or less constant distance from actual connection. And there must be many people in the Chicago area who I'd get along with really well, if I could only find them.

So I'm jumping into my latest round of attempting to put myself out there more. It's a really hard thing to do consistently with the varieties of mental illness I have; depression makes doing most anything social feel impossible. But maybe I can at least get into the habit of regular, pleasantly frivolous interactions with people online.

(no subject)

TL;DR: Hey! I'm a demisexual! (I think.)

On a FB friend's page a while back was a discussion of different spectra of attraction; physical vs. mental/emotional. Demisexuality was mentioned. I'd seen the term but wasn't very familiar with it's meaning as personal identity. I read a bit about it and realized that, while all of the characteristics of a demisexual person fit me very well, it didn't make sense to me as something to claim as an identity. Those characteristics seemed mundane enough (who would want to have sex with someone they don't know?) that claiming that identity wouldn't give me a feeling 'not-aloneness'.

I see having the feeling of not being alone, of being a part of a group of people who are like you and who might understand you, as the most important part of claiming identities and labels for myself, and demisexuality didn't make any sense as one. I commented that that collection of traits just didn't seem to merit a label for me, and didn't give me that 'not-alone' feeling.

A month or so later now, I've realized that, in fact, not feeling much or any attraction based on how someone looks is actually weird/atypical, and that including myself in that group helps me have a validating framework to think about my experiences with other people within. I see these kinds of identities, demisexuality included, as social constructions that have no essential nature beyond what is agreed upon by involved parties, but that doesn't mean that they aren't important or helpful. I think this one is helpful, and maybe even important, for me.

One aspect of demisexuality as applied to me that makes me uncomfortable is its inclusion under the asexuality umbrella. Asexuality is not a term that feels at all right for me, and the two things don't feel like there is much overlap between them. It is not a connection that works for me. Obviously it does for many other people though. More evidence to me that there is no real objective essential nature to these labels.

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This is one of the things I looked at that made me feel like this identity is meaningful for me as a source of understanding.

https://bestlifeonline.com/demisexual/

Though despite point one, I do very much enjoy non-sexual touch with most anyone, and have loved the cuddle-parties I've been to.